


How It's Going To Be Now

by FandomVulture333



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mpreg, Season/Series 08, Season/Series 09, Transcripts used in fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:26:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 37,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomVulture333/pseuds/FandomVulture333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel slays the nephilim, he and Dean have a drunken one night stand. Dean crushes Castiel's feelings and after the cut off the cupid's bow, Naomi warns them about Metatron. Then Castiel takes Dean to Sam just as he was about to finish the trials. Castiel goes to find a dead Naomi in Heaven and Metatron takes his Castiel's grace and sends him on his way as a human. He knows and other angels know something about him, but Castiel is clueless about what has happened as an angel is now carrying on inside of him as a human.</p><p>Begins after Season 8 Ep 23 and continues into Season 9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel woke up in a motel next to Dean, naked with only sheets covering them both. This was something that shouldn’t have happened. They were just hanging out after he killed the nephilim with Metatron. But now they had woken up to being tangled in each others bodies and the smell of sex in the room. THIS WAS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!

“Dean?” Castiel choked out.

Dean stirred and half opened his eyes with a hangover throbbing in his skull, “Yeah Cas?”

“What did we do last night? My butt hurts, a lot.”

Dean didn’t quite pick up on what was going on and then he rolled away from Cas and saw the clothes on the floor and shot up, almost having a panic attack. He looked and saw that they were both naked with only thin sheets protecting each others eyes from their below the belt region.

“Cas?” Dean gave a blank expression at his angel friend, who was looking for an answer as to what they did and why they did it. His sad blue eyes were breaking Dean’s heart when he answered,

“I was on a bender from Sam getting ready to start completing the trials and I was REALLY frisky and I...” Dean was trying so hard not to break his friend’s heart, “I guess I screwed you?”

Castiel’s eyes glossy and he wanted more answers but he knew Dean couldn’t give him one that didn’t hurt. He put his fingers on Dean’s lips and hushed him.

“It’s fine Dean, you don’t need to tell me the whole story.”

Dean wanted to apologize or at least give him a good reason why his friend should hate his guts right now.

A week or two passed and Castiel had now received the new task that he must complete to save Heaven. He had to cut off a bow from a cupid and after listening to angel radio they went out on the search for the cupid and found her in  a  peculiar way of making two very hairy, burly men fall for each other at a bar while on a delivery. After they cornered her and took her bow, Dean called Kevin trying to get more answers out of the angel tablet. Then Naomi flew in looking very scared and desperate.

“I’m not here to fight you Castiel, not anymore.”

Castiel came towards her, “Where is Metatron?”

“He told you he was going to fix Heaven didn’t he? Murdering a nephilim, cutting off a cupid’s bow? It’s all a lie, all of it. I’ve been in his head-”

“You’ve been in all our heads, that’s the problem.”

“No Castiel, you’re wrong.”

“This is what you do. You try to twist things, I’m trying to fix Heaven. Metatron is trying to fix Heaven-” 

"Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it. An act of revenge for driving him away."

"Break it how?" Dean asked.

"Dean."

"Expel all angels from heaven just as God cast out Lucifer."

"Cast you out? To where? Hell?"

"Here. Thousands of us walking the earth."

Castiel pulled out his angel blade, “Lies!”

“Wait?” Dean stopped him.

“Our mission, was to protect what God created. I don’t know when we forgot that?”

Castiel was thinking over the new information.

“I want nothing more than to see you shut the gates of Hell. I told you you could trust me. If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.”

“The hell you talking about?” Dean asked.

“I saw it in Metatron’s head. It was always God’s intention, the ultimate sacrifice. And for you Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path. Metatron has been neutralized. If you want back in truly, I will listen.”

Dean and Castiel heard the flap of wings and Naomi flew back to Heaven. Dean was still on the call with Kevin and became very scared for his brother.

“Hey right now talk to me, is she lying?”

“I don’t know.” Kevin answered.

“Well find out.”

“She’s lying.” Cas was sure of it.

“Take me to him.” Dean started.

“Dean-”

“Take me to him NOW!” Dean demanded.

Castiel flew them back to the church. As Dean walked up to get Sam, Castiel said, “Dean, I’m not wrong. I’m going to fix my home.” And he flew away.

“CAS!”

Castiel made his way into Naomi’s office to find her dead with a drill in the back of her head. He turned around to find Metatron with an angel blade in his hand.

“She told I lied didn’t she? You should have listened to the bitch.” With the most smug look on his face as he had the tip of the blade at Castiel’s throat.

The next thing Castiel knew was that he was restrained by the cuffs in the chair and had no chance of escape.

“You promised!” Castiel hissed at the bastard of an angel.

“Castiel, I want you to stop thinking about master plans-” He then forced the other angels head back, exposing this neck, “-Heaven, angels and all this doesn’t concern you anymore-” He slit Castiel throat just enough so his grace was exposed, “These were never trials Castiel, this was a spell.” He held up a vial to collect Castiel’s grace as it snaked into it, “What I’m taking from you now, your essence, your grace, it was the last piece.”

The vial filled with the betrayed angel’s grace was capped as Castiel was helpless to what was happening next. What made him an angel was stripped of him now at the hands of a conniving scribe. The cut on Castiel’s throat was healed with a hand swipe from the bastard.

“And now something wonderful is going to happen, for me and for you. I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Find a wife. Make babies. And when you die and your soul comes to Heaven, find me. Tell me your story. It’s going to be interesting from what I can tell now.”

Castiel was confused as to what he meant.

“Now go!” And those were the last words from the angel that took advantage of the trusting Castiel.

Castiel woke up back on earth, he wasn’t sure what had happened. The world around him was dark from the blackness of night. He got up and slowly made his way out of the woods until he found a clearing. What he saw next made his heart sink and hopelessness consume him. All the angels from Heaven were falling from the sky in what looked like to be a massive meteor shower. His brothers and sisters were cast out and it was all of his fault. He tried so hard to do good but now he cursed his naive trusting nature.

But he had to fix everything, he needed to do right. Right by what the Winchester brothers meant. No, not even that. He didn’t know how to make things right. This was a mess that needed an army to help clean up. For now he needed to get out of the woods and make his way to a road. It would help him get a sense of direction from where to go from now.

It was finally daylight when he found a road. Not knowing which direction to go he walked on the right side of the road with traffic going past him. He couldn’t think otherwise what made sense at this time. His head was filled with the cries of his cast out brothers and sisters. The angel radio was filled with the helpless and hopeless. It disoriented him so much that he didn’t see the truck coming towards him, narrowly missing it by crashing into the ground on the side.

A man comes out of the truck, which had been halted to a stop, and says,

“Hey, buddy. You okay?”

Castiel was shaken up by this near death experience and could see what happened as a human with injury when he looked at his newly scuffed up hand. It was freshly broken skin with blood oozing out. The bright red of the wound are making Castiel understand that he had to be more careful now.

“It hurts.” Was all he could croak out, the pain was new and profound to him.

“What the hell you doing in the middle of the road like that?” The man cursed at him.

“I heard angels.” Castiel replied.

“How about we get you some water, hmm?” The man could see that Castiel needed assistance.

“I, uh, I don't drink water.”

“Dehydration's a real bitch up here, mister.”

“A phone. Do you have a phone?” Asked Castiel.

“No signal up here. How about a lift, hmm?”

Castiel appreciated the man’s offer and took it, “Yes. Good. I would fly, but I – I have no wings, not anymore.”

“Right.” The man was concerned about the state the stranger he was but he did almost hit him and this was a way to make things right.

Castiel got into the truck and buckled his seatbelt and the two men drove off to the nearest gas station. Castiel knew that pay phones weren’t as common as they used to be but hopefully this gas station that he would be dropped off at could be of some help.

When they arrived at their destination, the man pulled off to the side of the road and dropped Castiel off. 

Just as he began to walk away, “Hey!” He called out as he held out money.

“No, I can't take your money.” Castiel didn’t feel that he deserved it.

“For the phone. And a sandwich if they have one.”

“It's okay. I don't eat.”

“You'll figure something. Hmm?”

Castiel finally accepted the money

“Take care, kid” And then the man and the truck drove off.

Castiel looked around and then found a pay phone at the end of the station. As he walked towards it he saw that a husky biker in leather was on it talking.

“Hang up the phone.” Castiel said sternly

The biker turned to him, covering the base, “Excuse me?”

“This is an emergency. I don't want to hurt you.” Castiel said to him.

The biker man talked into the phone “Hold on, hon.” and then said “Sure you do. Hurt me.”

Castiel felt regretful for what he was about to do, “I’m sorry.” And he placed two fingers on the man’s forehead and noticed that nothing was happening. Then he placed his whole hand on him and was become very confused. 

Then the biker pushed him away and angrily said, “I'm gonna finish this call. Then I'm gonna stab you.”

Castiel was now nervous as what would happen but then he heard a young voice behind him.

“I know you.”

Castiel turned around to face a young woman. “I don’t think so.” He replied to her.

“Castiel. We met in Heaven. My name is Hael.”

Castiel felt uneasy but safe at the same time, “You’re an angel.”

She smiled, “I am? What’s an angel without its wings? It was a normal day, and then just... dark. And then I was just... falling. How could that happen?”

“I don’t know.”

Hael became concerned, “Your grace - its... gone?”

“I do still hear angel radio, though.” He replied to her.

“Then you've heard them – our brothers and sisters, many still circling for vessels, most just... so afraid.” She could feel their fear.

“There's nothing to be afraid of. I can assure you.” Castiel tried to comfort her.

“But Heaven – there was order. There was purpose.”

“Well, believe it or not, there may be something even better down here.” Castiel responded to her fear.

“I don't understand.” Hael was confused.

“There's opportunity for you, the others who have fallen, to do finally do what you would like to do – not just what you've been told.” Castiel spoke from his experiences on Earth.

“And what would I like to do?”

“You tell me. If you could do anything, what would it be?” He asked.

“There's a place. I built it when I was last here – many years ago. A grand canyon.” Hael was feeling nostalgic about her accomplishment millennia ago on Earth.

“The Grand Canyon, yes.”

“I - I would like to see that.” She had light in her eyes.

“Let's go see the Grand Canyon, then.”

Hael smiled and then took Castiel away so that the biker wouldn’t find him when he got off his call, just in case he kept his word. They stayed inside of the truck that she had been sitting it and when the man walked away, they made sure the coast was clear before he walked up to the pay phone. 

Castiel read the instructions on how to use it and then slid coins into the slot and dialed Dean’s cell number. It didn’t take long before an answer.

“Who is this?” Dean did not sound happy.

“Dean.”

“Cas, what the hell's going on?”

“Metatron tricked me. It wasn't angel trials. It was a spell. I wanted you to know that.” Castiel wanted his friend to know that first and foremost.

“Okay. That's great, but we've got ourselves a problem.”

“What's wrong?”

“Sam. He's, um – they say he's dying.”

Castiel’s concern kicked in instantly, “What happened?”

“I don't know. I mean, first he was okay, and then he wasn't. And I – have you heard my prayers? I've been praying to you all night.”

Castiel was embarrassed and ashamed to admit the next part, “Dean, Metatron – he – he took my grace.”

“What?” Dean wasn’t sure what he heard was true.

“Don't worry about me. What are you doing for Sam?”

“Uh, everything I can. There's actually another angel in there working on him right now.”

“What other angel?” Castiel asked.

“Um, his name is Ezekiel. He's cool. I mean, I think he is.”

“Ezekiel. Yes.” Castiel smiles at the news of this angel. “He's a good soldier. He should be able to help until I get there.”

“Wait, no, no, no. No, hey, that's not an option.”

“It might be a few days, but –” Castiel started.

Dean cut him off with warning, “Hey, Cas, listen to me. There are angels out there, okay? And they – they're looking for you, and they're pissed.”

“Not all of them, Dean. Some are just looking for direction. Some are just lost.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean was concerned for his friend after running into some seriously pissed off angels.

“I met one. I think I can help her, Dean.”

“No, Cas, I know you want to help, okay? I do, but helping angels is what got you in trouble in the first place. Now, I'm begging you – for once, look out for yourself. Until we figure out what the hell is going on, trust nobody.” Dean was seriously hoping that Castiel would listen to him for once on this.

“And do what? Just abandon them all?”

“Damn it, Cas. You hearing yourself? There's a war on, and it's on you. There's thousands of them out th– You said you lost your grace, right? That means you're human. That means you bleed and you eat and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before.”

“I'm fine, Dean.” Castiel was trying to calm his friend down.

On the other end, Dean felt the earth shake and the walls become angry.

“Whoa.”

Castiel could sense something was wrong, “What's going on?”

“I think we got more company. Look, get your ass to the bunker alone. You hear me?” Dean told him.

“Dean.”

“Go, Cas!” Dean ordered.

“Dean.” The other line had hung up and Castiel put the phone back. He turns around to see Hael right behind him.

“I don't understand. I'll come with you. We can see your friend together.”

“It's complicated. There could be trouble. It's – it's best if I go alone. My – my friend – he... needs my help.”

“ _I_ need help.” She replied getting pissed.

“You can do this, Hael. This is your chance to help people, to help yourself. I'm sorry.”

Before Castiel could go to far, he blacked out from being hit by a plank of wood on the back of his head. When he came to, he felt pounding pain from the back of his head and he put his hand behind and felt the wetness of blood. Seeing it on his hand confirmed it. He also realized that he was in the passenger’s seat of the truck that he and Hael had been hiding in and that she was driving. He also saw the angel blade on her lap, ready to stop any funny business from happening.

“You understand that I couldn't just let you leave. I'd be lost without you, Castiel.” She said as she saw that he was waking up.

“Yes, I'm... beginning to see that.” He said.

“It's the least I could ask of you, considering, well... This _is_ all your fault, isn't it? Making the angels fall? So, we'll drive to the Grand Canyon, you'll tell me more about humans, and I'll show you what I'm capable of. We're going to become more than just friends, Castiel. We're going to become one.”

“You want to possess me.” Castiel was not having a good start to human life.

“Your vessel is strong.” She shows him a large spreading bruise on her shoulder. “This one won't hold me much longer. You were right, Castiel. With us together, I think I could learn to like it here.”

They drove for a while and in that time Castiel was trying to think of a plan to escape. Then he noticed that she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and then sneakily put his on and grabbed the steering wheel and drove them into a barricade on the side of the road. It took a while before he became he came to from the crash. His head was in a dizzying amount of pain and he sees that while he was held in place, Hael had been thrown out of her seat and threw the drivers side of the window. He groans as he gets out of the car and then finds Hael and walks up to her. Her vessel’s face was covered in blood and broken glass and her knees bloody and one of her legs in bent at a direction that is not normal for humans. He sees the angel blade on the ground and picks it up as he approaches her.

“I don't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt any of them. I want to help you. I will devote my life to helping you all.” Said Castiel as he walked to her.

“Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Help angels? After what you did? They don't want your help, Castiel. They want your head. And when they find out about you and your secret, there will be more coming for it.” Hael spat out at him.

“You're wrong. I'm one of you. I will never stop being one of you.”

“Don't you get it? Together, I can protect you, Castiel. You will need it soon anyway. For the rest of your existence, you, what you carry, they will need it.” Hael sounded pretty sure that that’s what he needed.

“I don't need your – I don't want your protection.” Castiel turned and started to walk away.

“If you leave me here in this broken girl. I swear it, Castiel – I will tell them where you are. And they will hunt you. Until their last breath, they will seek revenge on the angel that did this, who destroyed Heaven.”

“Stop!” He ordered.

“They will seek a vengeance on you that will make God striking down Lucifer seem like child's play.”

“Stop it!” Castiel was getting scared for his life now.

“I will go on angel radio and tell them everything unless you open your heart and say yes. And do it for their sake!.”

And with that those were Hael’s last words as he stabbed her in the chest with the blade. Lights flares from her mouth and eyes and her stab wound and then she dies and falls to the ground.

Castiel knew he had to keep moving now. Someone will find the accident and investigate and if possible we could be caught and arrested. He started walking the same direction the car was going, hoping that it would take him where he needed to go. He looked at his clothes and saw that they covered in blood. It didn’t look good on him as he could have done countless things to get that way in a humans mind. He didn’t know where they road would take him but walking was the only way to get there now. He walked all day and began to feel what humans may feel at times. He never could get his head wrapped around it but when he felt the sensation then being human became all too real for him. He felt lightheaded and his stomach groaned for the first time as he began to experience hunger for the first time in his life. His mouth felt dry and he could feel moisture building up under his clothes as he discovered thirst and what it was to sweat. His wounds on his hands and head started to become sticky and crusted as they clotted and dried up and scabbed. 

“I guess I need to figure more of this stuff out then on my own.” He muttered to himself after walking for hours.

The next part of discovering human life was nature’s calling. That took some getting used to, as he was in the woods as far as he could go from the road, but when he figured out how everything works and the relief it would bring. It was night fall when he came across a laundromat. He knew that he needed to wash his clothes. Castiel remembered that he had change in his pocket and chose a machine to wash his clothes in. He stripped off all of his clothing, except for his boxers and began to stuff the trenchcoat, suit jacket, collared shirt and black slacks into the machine. 

As he was about to put coins into the machine the vending machines caught his eye. He was so hungry and thirsty and they junk food looked so good right now. But he couldn’t walk around this naked in public. Then he caught eye of some clothes that were left in a basket and decided that he would take those and use the money he had on a bottle of water. When he changed, got his water and walked out, he took his first sip of water in his life. The cooling relief of the liquid in his mouth felt so heavenly and so refreshing that it saddened him when he finished the bottle too fast. He looked around for more water and found a water fountain at the children’s park next door. Turning on the fountain and drinking in the sweet life that water was giving him was the best thing that had happened to him all day. 

To satisfy his thirst was one thing, now he needed to calm his hunger down. He went back inside the laundromat and bought a sticky bun as it was the biggest thing in there and he was starving. When it dropped out of the machine, he snatched it up and tried his hardest not to engulf the food like he did with the water. He felt better but he was still hungry.

The last thing that was catching up to him was sleep. His feet had become painful to walk on and he felt exhausted from the day’s events. It wasn’t too cold out which he was fortunate for as he had to take a layer off of his clothes and use it as a pillow as he hid under the playground to sleep. He made himself as comfortable as he could and then his eyes drifted closed and he went limp.

“I guess this is how its going to be now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer the main question, YES I did copy and paste all of the text used in the transcript of S8 Ep23 and S9 Ep1. I will be doing that for scenes that are from those episodes. Anything after of before those scenes is written by me and is my own work. I will post what season and episodes the text from a transcript comes from as to not plagiarize.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from what I would have thought of happening on the second day of human life. It helps us know where Clarence came to use and some things that he had to learn as what humans do when eating.

Waking up to hearing police sirens wasn’t what Castiel was hoping he would wake up to the next morning. But he assumed it was because he’s a homeless man sleeping in a children’s park. Probably a parent tipped them off.

He got up carefully so he wouldn’t hurt himself getting out and made his way to the laundromat bathroom to hide in for a second. He took care of business and washed up and checked himself for any ticks that might have gotten on him. Being out in the Colorado woods really increased his chance and as a human he could catch any illness or diseases from anything now.

Once he saw that he was free of bugs he got his empty water bottle and filled it up and drank from it before refilling and capping it for the day’s journey. Castiel knew he would need something other than sugar to keep him going, so he passed on the vending machine foods and started to trek for the bunker. It was going to be a long walk.

Castiel wished he had a clock on him now. Even without a phone he still would like something to help figure out what time of day it was and how fast things were going. Things started to look up when he saw a truck coming towards his way. Thinking that the thumb out would work, he put his arm out and faced the oncoming truck. The vehicle slowed down.

“Thank you.” He mumbled to himself.

The truck driver pulled up to him and stopped to let him get on, “Where to?”

“Anywhere is better than here, please.” Castiel said as he closed the door and put on his seatbelt.

“Alright sir.” And they began to drove off.

Castiel looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was only nine in the morning. It was going to be a long day from what the miles of road ahead looked like. He knew that he couldn’t get straight to the Winchester’s bunker but maybe if he criss-crossed America he could have few angels on his trail.

“What are you running from if I may ask?” The truck driver asked.

“Naive thinking and manipulation.” Castiel replied.

The driver whistled, “That’s deep. Can I at least get your name if you’re going to be riding with me?”

Castiel wanted to say his name, but with angels looking for him he needed a new name. What can I use? he thought to himself. Metatron used Marve for his human name, maybe something like it. Then he remembered that the demon friend Meg would call him Clarence. Castiel didn’t know why he did but it would work for now to keep him safe.

“Clarence, my name is Clarence.”

“Clarence huh? I’m Big John. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Castiel replied.

Then his stomach growled loudly and John had to take notice.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Last night. I had a sticky bun from a vending machine-”

“Clarence, I’m gonna treat you to real food. That will help you out real good.”

Big John took him to a burger joint a few miles later. They pulled up to the drive thru window and John said, “Order anything you’d like, I’m buying.”

Castiel’s mouth was watering as he remembered the taste of burgers when Famine caught his vessel’s lust for red meat and made him crave and eat burgers to the low hundreds. He remembered that he liked a burger with cheese, lettuce, pickles, grilled onions and mushrooms and was swimming in barbecue sauce. He told John what he wanted and then was asked,

“Do you want any sides or drinks?”

Castiel had his bottle of water but something like a soda sounded great with extra large fries.

“I want an extra-large fries and a large cola too.”

John placed the order with his order of a chicken burger and onion rings. When they were served their foods, John gave Castiel his bag of greasy food and it took all of Castiel’s might not to shove it in his face. He had a begging look on his face before John nodded the ok and then Castiel dove in and began to engorge himself on the delicious food that had been gifted to him by this nice man.

Soon he realized that that might have been a big mistake. His stomach began to feel knotted up and he became extremely nauseous. He could feel something good wasn’t happening when he looked around for something to vomit it. But John could tell what was going on and had pulled off to the side of the road quickly and as they stopped, Castiel bolted out of the passenger seat and onto the grass and threw up all of the feast he had been treated to. He felt violated that this was happening to him. Being gifted with kindness and now his body rejected it like he was cursed. He knew of course he wasn’t but being human was definitely a curse to him right now.

“Woah Clarence are you ok?”

Castiel heaved out bile and kept still after finishing. He just stared at what he threw up and gave a pained sigh to see all of the burger and fries wasting away in the grass now. He had his bottle of water, took a sip and swished around a little before spitting it out. The taste was gone but not the guilt.

“I don’t know what that was.” Castiel said as he climbed back into his seat.

“Maybe you get road sick.” John replied.

“I guess.”

“Sip the cola slowly to keep fluids and sugar in you right now.”

Castiel took a sip of the sweet, cold drink and felt relief. His stomach seemed to calm down a bit and they went back out on the road.

They drove out some more before they hit a town outside of Lincoln, Nebraska. Then John had to make his stop here and then continue on his way. He pulled into a gas station parking lot and turned off the truck. He turned and looked at Castiel,

“Well Clarence, it was nice taking you with me, but I have to drop you off now. I’m about to head into work a few towns over.”

“Thank you Big John for the ride and lunch. I hope you have a good rest of the trip.”

Castiel got out of the truck and as he shut the door John had a twenty dollar bill in his hand and Castiel’s drink cup.

“You will need it. Stay sharp you hear?”

Castiel nodded and John drove off to his work. Castiel looked around to see what was around and saw that what he needed right now was a bathroom. After business was taken care of he saw a pharmacy and figured he needed some medicine to help with driving sickness. He walked in and was intimidated by the sheer size and what was inside of the store.

“Can I help you with anything?” A young lady came up to help him.

“I need nausea medicine. Something simple that I can carry light with.” He explained.

“Let me show you.” She took him to the anti acids and anti gas medicines and then handed him a bottle of Tums, “These are simple to use and you can carry them easily. They can also help out with other stomach issues-”

“I’ll take them.” He interjected, his nausea was getting the best of him.

“Also what could help is ginger ale if you are giving this to someone with morning sickness.” The sales associate added.

“I can assure you I won’t need it for that, but I’ll take a bottle for the ride.”

Castiel grabbed a bottle and went to the counter to pay for the items. When he got outside he opened the bottle and took a sip of the ale. The sweetness with the tingle and the end was unusual for him taste wise. Then he took out the Tums bottle and read the instructions. Then he opened it and placed two in his mouth and chewed them. The chalky texture and taste disgusted him but he knew that humans take these then they must do their job.

Castiel went to a park and sat down on a bench as he hoped his nausea would settle. He took swigs of the ginger ale and it began to help calm his stomach down. But he was getting hungry again and couldn’t find a place to eat that wouldn’t cost him too much. Then he walked around and found a soup kitchen. He remembered that you could get a free meal there and that’s what he needed right now.

Castiel walked inside and smelled the hot food that was being served. His stomach growled and he hoped that he could keep his dinner down. He got in line and was served chicken noodle soup and a small loaf of bread and a glass of water. He sat down at a table with a family saying grace and minded his own business. Castiel knew that people still prayed to God but he knew that God was gone and that their prayers weren’t being heard. 

He took the spoon he was given and scooped up some of the chicken and noodles and placed it in his mouth. He regretted that quickly when the liquid burned his tongue and it stung so sharply. He looked around and then saw the family eating their soup and noticed how they blew gently on it to cool it down. Castiel did it to his soup and it made a big difference in the food he was eating.

The rest of his meal was quiet and he decided to keep the bread for later to munch on as he left and then saw a truck getting ready to leave. The license plate had Kansas on it and he hoped that maybe it would take him close enough to the bunker for him to walk. Castiel saw that no one was around and the truck was finished loading up and he made a mad dash for it and snuck in the back. Unfortunately someone saw him.

“Can I help you with something?” A voice behind him said.

Castiel looked out and saw a woman with her arms crossed and looking very impatient with him.

“I, Uh-” He started.

“If you want a ride, next time ask.”

Castiel was confused and then the woman motioned him to follow her to the front. He followed her and then sat in the front seat with her. He fastened his seat belt and then the woman asked,

“I’m heading to Emory Park, Iowa. There is a men’s shelter there that you can stop at.”

“How did you-”

“I drive a service truck to deliver foods to soup kitchens in three states and they are Nebraska, Iowa and Missouri. You look like you need a place to stay and some help getting there.”

Castiel was blushing at how she knew all this stuff just observing him. Then she pulled up her shirt to reveal a gun attached to her belt.

“Any funny business though, and you will meet Buster here. Get it?”

Castiel put his hands up and nodded yes. She the smiled and started the truck, pulling out of the driveway and started heading out on the road.

“My name is Rebecca by the way. What’s yours?”

“Clarence.”

“Clarence huh, unusual name for someone your age. Where did you get it from?” Rebecca asked.

“A friend gave it to me.” Castiel replied.

“Hm, fair enough. So how did you end up like this if I can ask?”

Castiel knew people would want to know his story, but he kept his basics so humans could understand.

“I was manipulated and deceived. Now I have to deal with the consequences as part of my new life.”

“That’s deep Clarence.”

“How did you get into this life if I can ask?” said Castiel.

Rebecca sighed and then she explained, “My family had a hard life and when I was able to drive I moved out and became a truck driver. But I wanted to drive for good so I found work as a driver for charity organizations. So my life is about delivering food to food banks, soup kitchens and homeless shelters.”

Castiel could feel that this woman had a good heart, “What has this job taught you?”

Rebecca smiled and replied, “Meeting people and hearing their stories. Quite a few of these people in these situations are war veterans that needed help but weren’t given any. Or families that work hard but still don’t have enough to live by. Those kinds of stories.”

“What you do helps them out and I’m glad that you do that.” Castiel smiled at her.

The rest of the ride was quiet till he felt hungry again and took out the loaf of bread and began to munch on it and took sips of water from his bottle. The taste of the plastic was leeching into the fluids and giving it an unpleasant flavor. She noticed what he was doing and then handed him a new bottle of water.

“That one you have looks old. Drink this new bottle, it tastes better.”

Castiel took it and drank a sip from it, it really did taste better. Then his nausea reared it ugly head again, but he had Tums this time. He took two more and it did help this time. Breathing helped too as he took in slow breathes to keep vomiting at bay.

Then they got to the shelter it turned out to be St. Anne’s Cathedral men’s shelter. Rebecca pulled the truck up to the parking lot next to the building and then turned off the truck. She looked at him and then sighed.

“Well this is it. Want me to walk you in and help you get settled?”

Castiel felt assurance with her help. He got out and went inside the building and felt safer just being inside of walls for the night. Rebecca was by his side as she took him to the check in counter and helped him get settled in. He was given a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and a pillow and blanket. Then the attendant showed him a bed and locker that he would have as long as he stayed. He turned to see Rebecca smiling and waving. He walked up to her and gave her a hug as she hugged him back.

“Take care of yourself Clarence. Things will get better you hear?”

Castiel released his grip and looked down at her, “Thank you for all you have done.”

Rebecca smiled at him and handed him a bag. Inside was a bag of chips, a gatorade, a bottle of ginger ale and some peanut butter and a box of crackers.

“I saw you eating the bread from the soup kitchen. You looked like you needed more food. I also want you to have this box of cereal.”

“I can’t take your food-”

“Its my emergency stash, I can always get more. Something is making you hungry all the time and giving you nausea. I can feel it but I don’t know what.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Castiel was puzzled.

“Just remember to keep eating. Eat as if you are eating for two, even though that’s not biologically possible.”

“Ok Rebecca.”

“Goodbye Clarence. I hope to hear things looking up for you.”

Rebecca left him there by his bed and with the bag of food. He then looked inside and saw an envelope with another twenty dollars in it. He had quite a bit of money now and some munching food to keep him happy. 

Sleep sounded great right about now and they were about to call lights out. Castiel put the food in the locker assigned to him and then got the pillow and blanket and found his bed. He put the pillow at the top and then laid down on the bed with the blanket covering him. The warmth from it helped him fall into a deeper sleep than the night before. This was a safe place for him. If just did as he was told then he could stay here till the Winchesters could find him. Maybe he could even call them tomorrow and tell them where he is. All of that could be done tomorrow, right now he needed to focus on sleeping. Sleeping and what Rebecca was talking about. 

Everyone had something to say to him about something like that. Metatron, Hael, and now Rebecca? Something was up and he would figure it out later. He conked out quickly as the day had been long and tiring.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Castiel woke up to the alarm going off for the men of the shelter to wake up. The bustling of the many bodies wandering inside the building trying to use the restroom or get cleaned up was a little over whelming for him. He got out of bed slowly but surely as he felt sick to his stomach and tried so hard not to heave. He was able to get up and get his bottle of tums and sip a little bit of the ginger ale to help him settle down before he began to take care of human morning routines.

Once he used the bathroom and had showered for the first time, he felt so refreshed and ready for the day. He marched with the men at the shelter to the cafeteria and went to pick up his breakfast of oatmeal and and sausage and a glass of orange juice. He sat at one of the tables and tried to keep to himself. However he was new and therefore would attract attention.

Then men that lived here were just like him, disheveled, lost and need of care. But they all came to St. Anne’s Cathedral to get on the right path for a second chance. Castiel tried to take a bite of the piping hot food but then the priest came in to start a morning prayer. Castiel had no hope from what they were doing and his hunger was gnawing away at him as his nausea had gone away for the time being. Then he perked up as he heard the all of the men chant,

 

**_Our Father who art in heaven,_ **

**_hallowed be thy name._ **

**_Thy kingdom come._ **

**_Thy will be done_ **

**_on earth as it is in heaven._ **

**_Give us this day our daily bread,_ **

**_and forgive us our trespasses,_ **

**_as we forgive those who trespass against us,_ **

**_and lead us not into temptation,_ **

**_but deliver us from evil._ **

**_For thine is the kingdom,_ **

**_and the power, and the glory,_ **

**_for ever and ever._ **

**_Amen._ **

 

Castiel knew that prayer all too well as he and many angels had heard it many times from humans. He ate his breakfast quietly and then afterwards he was called forward to one of the priests for orientation.

“Clarence, this is Father Dursley. He will be showing you around today and giving you your chores for the day.” One of the office workers introduced to him.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Castiel greeted Father Dursley.

“The pleasure is all mine. Since you are new here are the basics, maintain and care for the property and church and help out with volunteer work and charity drives and you can stay here until you get back on your feet. Sound ok?”

Castiel liked how easy this was. He knew he couldn’t stay long but he need a sense of security for now. It also gave him a sense of being useful and helping out humanity in a way that was hurting nobody.

Today he and another man were summoned to the inside of the church for their chores for today. When they walked inside, Castiel’s breath was taken away by how extravagant the inside was. The walls and floor were made of stone and the windows were stained glass and the pews of aged wood.

“Daniel, this is Clarence. He will be helping you out today with your chores.” Father Dursley said to them and then he pointed to some brooms and dustpans, “Clarence and Daniel, you two are to sweep the floors and organize the hymn books and bibles in the pews. Please make sure there are at least three of each in each pew.”

Castiel went to get one of the brooms and Daniel began to collect the books. Conversation wasn’t really made as Castiel’s nausea had returned and was eating at him. Daniel could see from the front of the church as Castiel was sweeping that he wasn’t looking too good. 

After looking at Castiel a few times and feeling that he needed help soon, he walked up to him, “Clarence if you need to puke then bathrooms are out those doors and down the left hallway.”

Castiel was eternally grateful for that information as he bolted looking for the restroom. He barely made it as he heaved out his breakfast, feeling the burn in his throat from the acid. Getting it all out felt good in the end, but he always felt hungry after he was done. After taking a few breathes to calm himself and body, he flushed the toilet only to realize that he needed to use it as well. When he finished relieving himself he flushed again and then went to wash his hands and rinse his mouth out of the vomit flavor that remained. He grabbed a towel and wet it to wipe off the sweat from his brow and then patted his face dry.

When Castiel went back out to finish his chores, Daniel was waiting outside for him with concern all over his face.

“You alright Clarence?”

Castiel sighed, “I’m fine, just under the weather. I’ve been this way for a while now.”

“I hope you aren’t sick.”

“I don’t think I am. I don’t have a fever. Just nausea, tired all the time, and I have to use the bathroom a lot.”

Daniel whistled, “That’s a lot of bad symptoms.”

Castiel then added, “Oh yeah and my appetite is crazy active too.”

“If you were a woman I would say you are pregnant.” Then Daniel went back to work.

Castiel’s ears perked up at the sound of that. He had been told that something was off about him but there was no way that that was a possibility.

They finished their chores and then headed off to lunch. Castiel dove into the macaroni and cheese with broccoli and the dessert cookie. Afterwards he went back to his locker to stuff his face with some peanut butter and crackers and down the rest of his flat ginger ale. He felt better but his appetite still was gnawing at him and he missed the sweet flavor of the soda.

He and Daniel were assigned a second round of chores for the day by Father Dursley.

“You two are going to be weeding the garden,” Then he gave them a bag with tools and gardening gloves and looked at Castiel, “Daniel has done more weeding here so he will be helping you out.”

Then they started to walk out and went to the back near the graveyard entrance and saw that a few crabgrass plants and some stray wild onions had grown here or there. Castiel put on his gloves and began to pull out the weeds that Daniel had shown him, while Daniel was trimming some of the bushes next to Castiel. Some of the other men at the shelter were picking up trash and raking leaves as their chores. Simple work that they could provide for as long as they stayed at the shelter.

Dinner came a few hours later and the men walked into the cafeteria and were given their dinner of turkey with mashed potatoes and fresh green beans and some fruit for dessert. Castiel noticed that Father Dursley was back in the room with them and he called everyone’s attention after all of the meals were served.

“Before we eat, we need to have our dinner prayer. Please join your hands together.”

Everyone did and then bowed.

“Thank you God for this day and the meal that we consume to nourish us. Thank you for giving us second chances when needed the most. And thank you for being with us everyday. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, amen.”

And then the men all chanted again,

 

**_Our Father who art in heaven,_ **

**_hallowed be thy name._ **

**_Thy kingdom come._ **

**_Thy will be done_ **

**_on earth as it is in heaven._ **

**_Give us this day our daily bread,_ **

**_and forgive us our trespasses,_ **

**_as we forgive those who trespass against us,_ **

**_and lead us not into temptation,_ **

**_but deliver us from evil._ **

**_For thine is the kingdom,_ **

**_and the power, and the glory,_ **

**_for ever and ever._ **

**_Amen._ **

 

They began to eat their meals and Daniel came to sit next to Castiel.

“So what did you think of your first day?”

Castiel knew that he would need to open up a bit to stay here and not draw attention.

“It was simple and it was nice to be useful.”

“That’s great Clarence. It’s not so bad here.”

Castiel took a bite of the turkey and scooped some of the potatoes into his mouth to help take the edge off the dryness of the turkey. He noticed that certain foods helped out with balancing out flavors and textures which was something that every food had apparently.

“So what is your story Clarence? How did you come to this? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

Castiel had told this story to the people that had come to help him so one more person wouldn’t hurt.

“I was taken advantage of by someone who told me they were going to fix Heaven. They stole a part of me and now I am lost trying to get to some friends. But I need to rest for now, my body has been calling me to take it easy lately and I’ve been listening to it while I’m here. I will move on soon but not for now.”

Daniel listened intently and soaked in what he was told. He didn’t get the Heaven part but he figured it was some kind of Heaven that Clarence had made up. Maybe he was mentally ill and needed some help from a doctor. All in all, Clarence had found some kind of haven for now from the outside.

Then he told his story,

“I was an addict and needed help. I went to rehab but then my insurance couldn’t cover it anymore and it all came out of my pocket after a while. Then I was living in debt and had to sell everything. I was homeless and needed a place to help me feel useful but gave me a roof over my head and food in my belly. I found St. Anne’s and I have been here for a few months. I have been applying for jobs but no avail. The church has offered me to be a groundskeeper if I can’t find employment by the end of the year. They said they would let me live here and then when I saved enough they would help me find a place to live on my own.”

Castiel loved the thoughtfulness of the church. They were what true Christians were supposed to be. Good caring people that gave when needed. But then everyone should be like that regardless of religion.

Once he had finished his meal he went back to the locker where he stored his food and looked at the box of cereal, it was frosted flakes with the tiger on it. He opened the box and then the plastic bag and scooped a handful of the sugar covered flakes and placed them in his mouth and chewed on them. The sweetness of the flakes was a little too much for him but he became used to it. Then he wanted to try it with milk as his stomach growled for more food. He put the box back in the locker and then went to find Daniel. Once he found him in the recreational room, he went up and asked,

“Do you know where I could find some milk and a bowl and spoon?”

Daniel knew that answer but that meant breaking into the kitchen.

“Yeah I do, give me a few minutes ok?”

Daniel got off the couch he was sitting on and went to get Castiel what he needed. Daniel had taken pity on him and remembered what it was like be manipulated like that. That was how he got into his addiction problems and he never wanted anyone to be in that same position again.

Once he came back with a plastic bowl and spoon and a small carton of milk, Castiel nodded at him and then took the items handed to him. Castiel took them with him to his bed and got the box of cereal and poured some into the bowl and opened the carton of milk and poured it on top of the cereal. Then he scooped some up with the spoon and took a bite. It went from being too strong of a flavor to the most delicious thing in the world just by adding milk.

He ate another small bowl after emptying the milk and then threw the bowl, spoon and carton away in the trash and felt his hunger be sedated. He had been craving sugar for a while now and he was happy for once. The rest of the men were coming into the room to go to bed after a while and Castiel crawled into his bed and slept happy for the first time. He had made a friend and he felt like he had some purpose while staying here. But he knew that he would have to keep moving in order to find the Winchester brother’s bunker in Kansas. But for now he needed his sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to fill in the gaps for his stay at St. Anne's. I would feel that this is how it would go for the first day.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days were filled with the same routine. He and Daniel would work together on taking care of chores that were assigned to them. They were becoming good friends and in this time in his life, Castiel could use friends and kindness from people. The days were also filled with battling his nausea, hunger, feeling tired and now having to use the bathroom more frequently. Daniel could tell that Castiel needed more food and so he asked the workers to give him something extra when the meals were served. He was very thankful of Daniel’s help and the goodness of his heart. Most of the other men were avoiding him and Daniel as they thought something more was going on. Daniel didn’t want to comment on those rumors and Castiel didn’t even know that they existed. Things were going great here, but he still needed to make it back to the Winchester brothers and his time at St. Anne’s was up. Tomorrow he would leave and head out to the brothers bunker in Kansas.

Castiel woke up well but achy. The rush to fulfill the morning functions prompted him to get up quick. After he used the restroom he realized that his time here was over and that he needed to move on. Today was the day whether he liked it or not. He felt sick but he knew it wasn’t as bad as his ankles feeling swollen, sore and achy. He tried to put the boots on that came with his vessel but they were tight. Loosening them helped but they felt sloppy around his feet.

Castiel was washing his face and then saw a roll of toothpaste and then decided to try chewing it to see if that helped with his breath. Daniel walked up to him and asked,

“Hey, Clarence. How much longer you gonna be with us?”

Castiel chewed on the toothpaste and replied, “I'll be moving on tonight after work. It's time.”

Daniel was saddened by the news of his friend moving on but Clarence said he needed to get to his friends a few nights ago. He began to hang up his towel and was getting ready to wash up. Castiel turned and then said,

“Can I ask you something?”

Daniel replied, “Sure.”

Then Castiel started to walk to a stall and said, “Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.” He locked it and could feel relief as he went. It was the third time this morning he had to pee and it really was getting on his nerves.

They had breakfast together of pancakes and hash browns with a piece of fruit. The syrup was sweet and sticky but with the food he was eating it was delicious. Then the men were assigned their chores and today Castiel was given trash pick up in the graveyard and front. Things were going well as he was being efficient and then he spotted a red liquid on a stone. He went down to touch with and felt that it was still fresh. His curiosity claimed him as he went looking for the source and found a scene from a horror film.

It was Father Dursley and another priest staked out with their eyes burned out. Clearly the work of angels and now he saw that they were closing in on him. He really needed to move on now and fast. Castiel rushed back inside, packed up a bag of snacks and gathered the remaining money and snuck out of the shelter. He needed to make a mad dash as far away from here as possible.

It took him all day to find a safe distance of walking the shelter before he needed to seek shelter and security from being found again. The heat of the sun made him crave fluids and food. At one point he took a break on the side of the road, relieving himself and drinking water and putting a few bites of food in him. After an hour he began to make the trek again to the bunker. Castiel knew a little bit about direction as he use to be able to feel it when he had his grace. It was still in him a bit but not as prominent. He always felt something heading away from the sun and figured that he needed to make it south as best as he could go.

Halfway through the day he found a car and remembered how to jumpstart one as Dean had shown him once before. His luck turned when he got it to start and drove itin the same direction he was going. He got a good four hours of driving with the knowledge he picked up till the car began to stutter and slowed down to a stop. Castiel couldn’t tell or understand what was going on but he got out of the car and began walking again. 

When night fell he slowed down and came across a homeless camp under a bridge and decided to make it for the night. Then his stomach growled and when he went to pick up something from the bag of food he had, he realized that he had left the bag back in the car on accident. He had money but nowhere to buy something. So there Castiel was, close to broke, no food or water and no anti-acids. He was starving and thirsty and tired.

He sat down near a trashcan fire and warmed himself up as best as he could till a man from the camp came up to the fire too.

“You’re new in town.” He said.

Castiel was irritated and didn’t want to talk much.

“I’m just passing through.” Castiel replied, and then his stomach growled incredibly loud.

The man heard it and said, “You need food it sounds like.”

“I’m fine.” Castiel spat back.

The man was taken back by the hostility but he knew that he had hunger pains and was cranky.

“I have a spare can of chili if you want.”

Castiel couldn’t pass food being given to him and then he looked at the man with begging eyes, “Please!”

The man smiled and motioned Castiel to follow him to a car.

“I never got your name.” The man spoke.

“Clarence, my name is Clarence.”

“Clarence huh? I’m Joshua.” He replied as he pulled out of a box a can of chili with meat in it, a spoon and a bottle of water. He handed it to Castiel whom grabbed it and started to tear into the can.

Castiel slowed down when he felt the spices of the chili hit his tongue and it burned his mouth. He then opened the water and started to chug.

“Clarence slow down, that’s my last unopened bottle. You’ll get sick if you keep this up.” Said Joshua as he opened his own can of food.

Castiel listened and then started to slow down and savor the food, “Thank you. I was so hungry. Very kind of you to share.”

“It's okay.” Joshua replied while eating from his can.

“You know, I'm finding that often people with the least to give are the most generous. Anyway... I've got to plan better. I ran out of food very quickly today.”

“You're new at this, aren't you?” Asked Joshua.

“Food... sleep, or passing gas, it's all very strange. And it's occurred to me that one day I'm gonna die.” Replied Castiel bleakly.

Joshua looked at him curiously and confused. Everyone dies but why would Clarence say that?

Castiel finished his can and then placed down on the hood of the car, “Well... I better try falling asleep. It's quite a process, isn't it?”

Joshua wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he said back, “Try counting sheep.”

Castiel turns and says back “Thanks once again.”

Then started walking over to the abandoned bus at the edge of the camp and climbed inside. He found a seat that looked comfortable and took his jacket off to make a pillow against the glass window. Then he was confused by the last thing Joshua said to him and said aloud, “What sheep?”

Sleep took control of him very quickly and he slept for a few hours before woken up by the feeling of being watched. He looked outside and saw a figure in the distance outside. He woke up and was on the alert for an attack. He had his angel blade out and ready and the a man in white came inside the bus. He had an angel blade in his hand and lunged it forward and sliced Castiel’s arm open. Castiel hissed in pain and began to bleed. The angel was confused by what was going on and then said, “You’re human?!”

Then Castiel forced his blade forward and stabbed the man in white in the stomach and the white light from the angel’s death lit up the bus and then went out quickly when Castiel pulled the blade out. The man dropped and Castiel was still cringing from the pain of the cut and how much blood was coming out of the cut. He patched it up as best as he could and then collected his clothes and blade and made a dash for the highway up above the camp. He had to get away from this place as quickly as he could before another angel wanting his head on a plate would find him again.

Fortunately a truck that had the sign ‘Motor City Meats’ picked him up when they saw him flagging for a ride. A burly man with a trucker hat let him get on and then he was on the road again. This time it looked like Detroit, Michigan and hopefully he could get help warding himself as he was being found and needed to hide.


	5. Chapter 5

The truck ride was quiet as Castiel fell asleep from the exhaustion of the attack. When the truck stopped at a butcher shop a few hours later, the driver was kind enough to let him sleep some more and wouldn’t wake him up till the next stop which was an hour drive away. When the driver got to his next delivery stop, then he decided to wake up Castiel.

“Hey buddy,” The driver shook him away, “Its time to move on. You are in Detroit now and I need you to get off.”

Castiel woke up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes and shifted a bit before getting out of the truck. He walked a little bit before the driver tapped him on the shoulder.

“Here, you need this.” He handed him a bag of McDonalds.

“No I can’t-” Castiel started.

“Your stomach says otherwise. Take it, I bought it for you.”

Castiel took the bag and then began to walk more. When he was far away enough he opened the bag to find a mcmuffin in it with sausage. He opened it, took a bite and then devoured the sandwich. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until the gnaw of hunger still bugged him.

He made it to what appeared to be a Chinatown. It was noisy and bustling with people everywhere. Then he spotted a tattoo shop, knowing that he needed to be permanently warded from angels as he knew that they wanted his head served up on a platter still for working with Metatron. Then he smelled the hotdog stand that was right beside the shop. The greasy meat hit him hard and his mouth was watering. Castiel was dying for food, but he needed to protect himself too. He took out what money he had left and saw that he had enough for one or the other.

In the end Castiel decided that protecting himself like Dean said to do was more important. He had the symbols written on a piece of paper in his pocket for the warding and walked into the tattoo parlor. He approached a woman that was in the middle of attending a man.

“Excuse me?”

“Yes?” The lady replied.

“I need these tattooed right here.” Castiel pulled up his shirt to reveal the left of his torso and pointed to the spot he wanted his ink done.

“Sure, please take a seat and I will be with you after I’m finished with him. I’m almost done.” She motioned to the couch next to her.

Castiel took a seat and then waited while listening to the buzz of the needle. The anticipation built up inside of him as he didn’t know what the pain of the tattoo would feel like. The guy that the lady was finishing up with, was getting a piece done on his arm and wasn’t complaining at all. He had other tattoos on him though and so this wasn’t his first time.

It was about ten minutes later before the lady was finished and patched up the customer and then took a few breaths and then turned to Castiel.

“Alright sweetie, are you ready?”

Castiel nodded but he was nervous.

“Well it looks like you don’t have much or know what you are getting into, so I will let the application and the ID slide. But don’t go around telling people that I did that for you. It would ruin my business.”

She wiped down the chair and reclined it back to Castiel would be laying down.

“I need the paper you had so I can copy the symbols.” He handed it to her and then she went to work and went to have the stencil printed out. Castiel had taken a seat on the table and waited for her to return.

“Alright, are we ready?” She asked.

Castiel nodded an lied down for her to get started.

“I need you to open you shirt so I can get started on cleaning you.”

Castiel unbuttoned his shirt enough that the site of the tattoo was visible. The lady got an alcohol wipe and wiped down the spot and then applied a lotion to the area. She pressed the stencil on him and peeled it off.

“Do you want to see how it looks?” She asked.

Castiel got up and looked in the mirror and nodded. Then she prepped her station and the ink that she was going to use on him. Then the artist turned on her needle, sucked up some ink and then asked, “Ready?”

Castiel nodded and then he began to regret his decision. The scratching and burning from the needle being pushed into his skin was incredibly painful. He was in pain and the artist could see it. She stopped and said,

“I need you to breathe for me. I know this hurts but it will be over before you know it.”

Castiel nodded and she went back to work. He breathed in deeply through his nose and out through his mouth and it lessened the pain a little. Taking in all of the pricks and cuts being forced into abdominal region because he had to protect himself from the angels that he once called his brothers and sisters. He winced when the ink was wiped away and then a new enochian symbol was then tattooed into him. His body was tender enough as it is and then this became a whole new level.

Once the tattoo was finished and the sting of alcohol burned his fresh made his breath hitch, he got up, buttoned his shirt up again, collected the rest of his clothes and pulled the money out of his pocket.

“I don’t have much-”

“I’ll take what you have.” She said to him.

Castiel handed her the money with shame in his heart and gnawing hunger in his stomach. 

“Wait! Let me put lotion on it and bandage it.” She called out as he left but it was too late. He had walked out of the door with no money in his pocket and a fiery hunger that he couldn’t ignore. The tenderness of the fresh wound stung when his clothes or hand would brush up against it.

As Castiel walked through the bustling streets of Detroit, he was taking in everything. The sizzle from a hotdog stand, the noise of the streets, the bounce of a passing woman’s breasts. It was all too much for him and he needed to get away. He saw a church and decided to enter it for clarity. He walked in saw that it was a new church. Clean and airy and had the sun glowing inside. He saw the pews and sat in one of them and hoped for peace of mind. Then listened and heard a woman pray to the Jesus statue in the front.

“Please, Lord. Mike is such a good man. Please send your angels to heal him. Thank you for hearing me. Amen.” She makes a cross on her and then gets up to walk out. As she walked past him he asked,

“Mike is your husband?”

The woman nods yes, “He's very sick.”

“Yes. Humans - so fragile. I never - never realized how fragile until recently.”

“I guess that's why we pray. When you get dealt such a bad hand sometimes, you need something stronger than yourself.” She replied.

“That's a wonderful idea, but...” Castiel begins and then glances at one of the angels in the stained glass windows.

“What?” The woman asks.

“What if you were to find out that no one is listening? That God had pretty much left, that Heaven had gone out of business? What would you do?” Castiel asked hopelessly.

“But that's not possible.” She responded.

“I think it's completely possible.”

“You're missing the point. It's not possible because I have my faith.”

“But when I tell you the truth-” Castiel is then cut off.

“Your truth, not mine. Your lack of faith doesn't cancel what I believe. That's not how it works. You know... I think you might feel better if you tried it my way. Someone is listening.”

She leaves Castiel to wallow in pity. He was so lost in the day and couldn’t think straight. His thirst and hunger ebbed away at him and when he saw a water fountain inside at the front, he hastily walked to it and pressed the button and drank till he felt sick. His first good thing of the day was the fresh cold water. It helped settled his stomach but now he could feel a headache pound inside his skull from his desire for food. 

He saw a restaurant and trash cans over flowing with garbage and decided to pick through them. Anything to settle his appetite would do as long as it was edible. As he walked over, a kitchen hand dumped fresh scraps into a can and he went to investigate them. He found a pickle and sniffed it to see if it was any good. Then a waitress walked up to him and he became nervous.

“I'm not stealing.”

“And I'm not a cop.” She replied.

Castiel looked down at the cans, “It's a shame, isn't it? So much is wasted when there's so many hungry. I never knew.”

The waitress pulled out a saran wrapped sandwich and handed it towards him, “Peanut butter and jelly?” She walks up to him, “It's pretty good.”

Castiel was hesitant to take the sandwich, “No, I can't take your food.”

“You're not. I'm giving it to you. Look, I've had hard times myself.” She places the food in his hand.

“Thank you.” Castiel replies with sincerity.

“Yeah,” And smiles at him and walks inside of the restaurant.

Castiel scrambles to open the sandwich and then ferociously inhales the scent of the salty peanut butter and the sweet grape jelly. It was a gift right now and he was eternally grateful for it. Then his ravenous appetite kicked in and he took a bite of the food and savored in the combination of sweet, salty and soft. Castiel wanted to enjoy his food this time and took bites of it slowly. It helped him sedate his hunger more and let him feel less overwhelmed. Today was a hard day but there had been good things and the kindness of humans brightening his day.

Then he leaned back against the wall of the restaurant and breathed in relief from the hunger that had plagued him all day. He felt and then he saw storm clouds coming in towards him and the city.

“Crap!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the same tattoo on me in the same spot and that did not cost $20. Castiel must have gone to a shady salon because I got mine for $120. I know what that area feels like and it did hurt. I use breathing techniques like that when I get tattoos. I have gotten 10 in less than three years.  
> Here it is  
> http://taxidermycastiel.tumblr.com/post/130294039412/officially-hardcore-castiel-fangirl-and-cosplayer


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting a long time to write this, I was so excited when I could.

The rain started with a piddle and then began to pour after half an hour. It was black and gloomy and only lights from the streets lit the town.

Once Castiel realized that the rain wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, he huddled up close to the wall of the restaurant and hoped that he wouldn’t soak through. He was dead wrong and began to get chills from the freezing cold of the wet clothing. Castiel hoped that he wouldn’t get sick as that was the last thing he could deal with. He luck turned around though when he saw the female waitress come up to him with an umbrella in her hands.

“Would you like a roof over your head tonight?” She kindly asked.

Castiel looked up and saw the concern in her eyes and he felt his eyes become wet with joy. He nodded and she gave her her hand to hold as he got up and under the umbrella. He felt better just being out of the rain but now he had to walk with her to wherever she was going. Castiel walked with her to an apartment complex and walked up a door on the second floor. She unlocked it and they both went in. Castiel was welcomed with warmth from inside and security of being inside of the roof and walls of the apartment.

“Wow, it's beautiful.” He said.

“If you say so. Uh, just so you know, I don't usually bring home strange men.” The waitress replied, she sounded a bit nervous about what she was doing.

“Am I strange?” Castiel asked.

“No, I mean... men I don't know.” April was turning on lights and getting a towel from her cabinet for him, “But you look like you've been to hell and back.”

“Yeah, a few times.” Castiel was being serious but she knew she wouldn’t get it.

“April, by the way. April Kelly.” The woman introduced herself to him.

“Um, Castiel.” He replied.

“One name?” April asked.

“Yeah, like God.”

“Or Cher?” April handed Castiel a towel and while he was stripping off the wet clothes. Then she saw the cut on his right arm and the blood soaked shirt. “Uh, not to raise any red flags, but do you know your shirt's soaked in blood?”

Castiel looked down at he and laughed at himself a bit. He forgot all about it and now seeing it he winced at the pain of when he took his shirt off and exposed the rag that he had used to stop the bleeding. He then took the bandage that he made himself off. Blood had clotted to the rag and it had begun to scab over. Then it started to ooze blood and fluids again.

“I need you to sit on my couch over there. I’m going to get the first aid kit and clean that.” April told him.

Castiel walked to the edge of the couch and sat down and handed her the bloody rag. April took it cautiously and dropped it in the sink.

“You call this rag a bandage? You're lucky this wasn't infected. What happened to the guy who attacked you?”

“Oh, I stabbed him. He exploded.” Castiel said dryly.

April decided to think he was joking.

“Funny. You don't look like the knife-fight type. Or the homeless type, actually.” She then she began to clean his wound and Castiel was grateful for her kindness.

“Yes. Well... I guess I trusted the wrong person.” He sighed.

“Bad investment advice?” April asked.

“No, vanity. I thought I was more important, more effective than I am, that I could... fix everything. Now all I can do is keep running.” Castiel was tired of it though. He felt sick still and tired of being hungry and having to use the bathroom all the time. He was tired of everything human at this point.

“Well, all patched up, but, God, your delts are in knots. You got to relax.” April was massaging his arm.

“Ah, it's all new to me. Hunger. Cold. This feeling, being all alone.” Castiel was sad and had been feeling emotional for sometime now.

“You're not alone tonight.” April replied.

Then April kissed his cheek softly and made her way to his lips. He was in shock as he had only kissed one other person, well more so the demon Meg. But the tingle on his lips from her lips felt titillating. He kissed her more and then felt hungry for more of these deepened kisses from her. She tasted sweet like watermelon, probably from the gum she was chewing earlier.

Then she pulled away suddenly, “Bedroom?”

Castiel nodded and she kissed him again but got him to get up and led him to her bedroom. He pulled away for some breath, and then April said, “Do you want to? I can set up mood lighting?”

Castiel wasn’t sure what she meant but then she got a lighter and lit all of the candles she had in her bedroom. Then she stripped out of her shirt and took her jeans off and got closer to Castiel. She unbuttoned his pants and tugged them down slightly letting his boxers stay on. He then felt the head of his cock poking out of the hole in them and a drop of pre cum spill out. Castiel knew what to do next as he went and took off April’s bra. He unhooked it and let it drop and then stared. He had seen breast in the porno he watched with the pizza man and babysitter but seeing them in real life was different. He went and carefully caressed them and felt her nipples grow pointed and hard. She gasped as his fingers touched the sensitive areola’s and nipples. Then he left her breast alone and motioned to see if it was ok for him to take off her knickers and she smiled yes. Castiel slipped his fingers through the hem of her underwear and slid it down to reveal her front. He saw that she was groomed and something was dripping from her too.

“I’m just as excited as you are,” she smiled as she climbed into the bed and under the sheets. 

Then Castiel took his boxers off and got in with her. He touched her some more and then began to crawl on top her as she spread her legs. He knew that if he didn’t have sex with her then his cover might be blown that he didn’t know what he was doing. He was a virgin angel after all. He paused for a bit and then April spoke up,

“Is everything ok?”

“I’m uh-”

“Has it been a while?”

“Yes it has. I’m just trying to remember what to do.” He lied. 

Castiel remember that human women and three areas in their loins and that the middle area is where he needed to stick his cock into her. He grabbed it at the base of the tip and began poking around till he found what he was looking for. Then he slid in and the warmth and wetness of her around him made him stop as he bottomed out in her. The tightness inside her was too much for all at once, he could have come just from his head brushing the inside of her. April was slick and clenched around him and then he realized that he would have to move now. Trying to remember what was on the porn movie, he slid out a little and then pushed back in, they both shuddered. Castiel knew what he needed to do now.

He pumped into her steadily and then they both hit their spots. Castiel could feel the head of his cock sting to the touch and April had her two spots taken care of. It wasn’t long before Castiel could feel something that wasn’t right building up inside of him. He pumped more and it kept charging up, however April was the first one to climax as she dug her hands into his back and called out and panted with pleasure. Castiel was even more turned on and kept moving faster and then groaned as he climaxed too and could feel cum spilling into her and slipping out a bit. Castiel held himself there and then pulled out and rolled onto his back on the bed and had the sheet covering his below the belt region and his torso and up exposed. He sweated a bit and tried to catch his breath as the rush of the orgasm danced like fireworks inside of his body. The high from his first time having sex and his first orgasm was making his head swim.

April had her breasts covered and she was catching her breath as her orgasm subsided. Then when they both could breathe better, she looked at him with the glow of the candles behind him. She felt a little tension

“Well, say something.”

“There aren't words.” Castiel was still grasping the situation.

“So, that was okay?”

“Very much so. Um... what I did, that was, uh... correct?” He asked.

“Very much so.”

“Good!” Castiel said and then both of them laughed at the whole progress of how they got here.

“Castiel... I can't help thinking, all that stuff you said earlier, blame... and guilt. It seems like you're taking on a heavy load for such a sweet guy.”

“Believe me, I've done a lot of foolish, unwise things. I'm no angel.” Castiel hated that that was the truth.

“Well, whoever you trusted... can't they help undo this?” She asked him.

“We're not in contact.” Castiel sighed.

“So what happens next for you?”

“More of this, I hope.” Castiel smiles and leans over to kiss April again.

They roll around in the sheets and then Castiel initiates the sex this time. He felt his cock become awake and ready for round two. Castiel crawls on top of April again but then April rolls him onto back.

“My turn to top this time.” She had a devious smile and straddled him and found his cock, positioned it and slid down to sitting on top of him. She rolled her hips and began to hitch her breath as he was hitting her spot inside of her. Castiel loved touching her and began to play with her breasts again, feeling her hardened nipples again and circling them. April was going wild with all of the touching and tingles that were being done to her. 

“I’m getting close again, are you?” She panted as she picked up the pace.

Castiel nodded as he felt another orgasm pool inside of him. Then he grabbed April’s hips and rolled her back and forth faster as they both came again. They groaned loud and their breath were shallow gasps for air as their sex had rocked their whole worlds. Castiel could feel April twitching on him it threw him over the edge as he then passed out from the excitement. Then April got off of him and laid down next to him trying to see if he had fallen asleep. Soon she heard snores and went to work washing his clothes.

Castiel woke up the next day to find that he had rested well and his clothes were folded up on a chair in her bedroom. He walked over and saw that his boxers were there too. Quickly he put them on and then picked up his pants and put them on too. He grabbed his shirt and started to put it on but then got a whiff of the fabric softener. It was clean linen and cotton smell and it was heavenly to him. He saw that everything was there but his angel blade was gone.

Castiel started to button his shirt and found April outside in the kitchen. She was cutting some kind of fruit.  He felt a hunger build up inside of him since the last thing he ate was her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Oh. I washed your stuff. Find everything okay?” She asked.

“As a matter of fact, something is missing.” He replied.

“Oh?”

“It was with my jacket. It's hard to describe.”

Then she swung to look at him with the angel blade in her hand and touching his throat. Castiel’s trust in her had now been replaced by fear.

“Oh, you mean this?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I needed to get it out of the way and then continue on.

“You are a-”

“SIT DOWN IN THAT CHAIR!” April demanded.

Castiel walked backwards slowly to the chair and was then bound by his wrists behind. He was now scared for his mortal life. He was dealing with an angel that was working to find him and get justice delivered.

April was at her counter next to the fruit and was twirling the blade in her hand.

“It's probably pointless, washing the blood out of your shirt, really. It's the kind of thing the real April would have done.” This angel was manipulative and dangerous. She took a bite of the grapefruit and walked towards him, “I miss being her. Very sweet. Didn't mind me entering her one bit.”

Castiel wanted to escape. He had felt used and dirty for his trusting nature to once again bite him in the ass.

“Why didn't you just attack me right away?”

“ My briefing said you were dangerous and powerful. And you did arrive armed, so... I needed information, so I had to gain your trust.”

Castiel really wanted to be gone. He wanted out of this life right now.

“ And that required intercourse?” Castiel felt violated by that fact. It was his first time and it had been wasted on a cruel angel. 

April laughed, “Well, I am allowed some leeway for executive decisions.” She pointed the blade towards his groin and then straddled his lap,  “ And I can't say I didn't find you attractive.”

“ Who hired you?” Castiel felt the tip of the blade stroke his neck, “I assumed with Naomi gone, things were in chaos.”

“ New sheriff in town, Cas. He hired a bunch of us. I got lucky.” April popped the top button of his shirt, exposing some of his chest. Then she got up and walked behind him, “Enough questions from you. I have several of my own. Let's talk about your buddy Metatron.” She sliced into his upper right pectoral and Castiel let out a cry in pain.

“Please don’t?” Castiel tried to plead.

“I’m not going to listen to you or the little brat.” April cackled, before opening his shirt more.

“What brat? I’m the only one here.” Castiel was confused more.

April made another cut into his chest, swiftly bleeding and causing him to scream out.

“I can hear him scream, he hates that I’m torturing you like this.”

“Why are you torturing me then if you hear “him”?” Castiel air quoted.

April made a cut on his stomach.

“STOP PLEASE!!!”

“Oh well that was close to home wasn’t it for ya?” April smirked looking down at the cut, “Gone a little soft now huh? Making it roomy?”

“Who are you talking to?” Castiel groaned in pain.

April scoffed, “Oh you don’t know do you? What’s happening to you?”

Castiel panted, “No. People tell me something isn’t right but I don’t-”

“YOU HAVE A BASTARD SPAWN IN YOU!” April yelled in his face, “Probably that “Righteous Man” Dean is the other father.”

“What? That’s not possib- AHHH!” Castiel yelped as another slash from the blade was made.

“He really hates that you don’t feed him or take care of him. He knows what’s going on but still hates that part of your life. He really liked you being at the men’s shelter.” She made a cut on his chest, Castiel held in the cries.

She walked away and then came around to him, “All right, let's try this again, and one of these times, we'll get it right. He wants you to listen to me.”

“I knew nothing about Metatron's spell. I didn't know he was gonna cast the angels out of Heaven. I was cast out, too.”

“Oh, dear. Nothing but reruns on this channel.” Then she pushed the tip of the blade into his chest causing more painful cries, “These blades are marvelous, aren't they? They really do a number on humans and bastard spawn, too.”

Castiel was tired of the aching jolts of infliction running through his body.

“I told you last night, and I meant it. I was naive. I had no idea what he was planning. And will you stop saying I’m with child. Its not possible for me in this form.”

“You're lying. It's known you helped Metatron enter Heaven, collaborated with him. Hell, maybe he gave you the gift of that brat.”

“'Cause we were going to restore Heaven, bring the factions together. That’s what I was told.” He whimpers from a cut being made, “He lied to me.”

April had grabbed a scruff of hair behind Castiel’s head and pulled his face forward, “You were with him when he unleashed the spell. You know how the angels were cast down!”

“I didn't know he was assembling a spell.” Castiel was now exhausted from the torture he had been receiving this morning after being stabbed another time, “I only knew that I was the final ingredient.”

“You?” April was shocked.

“My Grace. That's why I'm human. He took my Grace for the spell.” He felt the edge of the angel blade glide a little on his neck and pushing in close.

“Or you gave it. And shut the fuck up you little brat. Daddy here deserves all of this torture for being a bad angel.”

“Stop talking to “him” then, it’s making it worse for “him”. I must say though, it may be unwise to kill me. If my Grace were the key to empowering the spell, I may be key to countering it.”

“Are you negotiating with me, Castiel?” April was pissed off.

Then the door to the apartment slammed open and came tumbling in was Sam and Dean Winchester.

“Cas!” Dean calls out.

Then they lock eyes on each other before Castiel feels the blade stab through his chest. This was blinding painful but it went all black quickly after hearing some scuffling. It was peaceful, quiet and free. Castiel could feel everything slowing down and as he felt his heartbeat for the last time, he heard a cry from a terrified baby.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is canon compliant so we know Castiel really isn't dead.  
> Also as a former PotterHead I decided to end it almost like when Harry first met the Dementor on the Hogwarts Express.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I have been away for a while. I have been in the process of moving. But I am back now.

Castiel felt heat, light, life jump back into him all at once as he sprang back into life. The first thing he sees is Dean looking into him and Castiel’s heart was over joyed from seeing his beloved Winchester brothers again.

“Dean.” The words crept out from his lips

Dean turned and saw that Castiel was up, “Hey. Hey! Yeah.”

“And Sam.” Castiel looked at the other brother.

“Cas. You're okay.” Sam said as he looked at the now healed Castiel with confusion.

Dean turned to Castiel and said in an angry father voice, “Never do that again!”

“ All right.” Castiel agreed, “But I'm confused. I know she stabbed me, but I'm - well, I don't appear to be dead.”

Dean turned to Sam, “Well, you got dinged.” Then turned to Castiel, “And, uh, you. I made a deal with her. Said she wouldn't get kabobed if she brought you back.” Dean looked a little uneasy, “She brought you back.”

“You lied.” Castiel stated.

“I did. I do that.” Dean then lend his hand out to help Castiel out of the chair and then welcomed him with a hug. “I’m glad you are safe in our hands again.” He let go of Castiel and went to help Sam up.

Castiel looked down at April’s corpse with the fresh stab wound in her chest. He remembered the cries that he heard in his head as he died and wondered if she was right. If she was right it would be the answer to everything. However, how did it happen? 

It must have happened when I had my grace still, Castiel thought to himself, and that one time I bottomed with Dean.

It was really unheard of for an angel in a male vessel to be impregnated by a male human, much less carry on inside of a human male. 

This was something that could be really dangerous, Castiel’s thoughts were still lingering in his head as he was being driven to the Winchester’s Men of Letters bunker, I need to really find out what is going on.

“Can you stop at this shop for a second?” Castiel called out as he saw a pharmacy.

Dean pulled into a parking space, “Are you ok Cas?”

“Yes Dean, I need to get something to eat and use the bathroom.”

Dean then pulled a twenty bill out of his wallet and placed it into his friend’s hand, “Buy whatever you want, you earned it.”

Castiel smiled and then got out and went to get ginger ale, tums, a bag of chips, a candy bar and a pregnancy test. He got up to the counter and placed the items in front of the female cashier.

“How bad are her symptoms?” The girl asked.

“They come and go.” Castiel answered honestly.

“That will be $19.99.”

Castiel handed her the twenty and then she clicked some buttons and the drawer opened. She then grabbed the receipt and the change.

“Alright here’s your receipt and a penny for your thoughts.” She smiled at him.

“Thank you but my thoughts aren’t worth a penny.” Castiel replied as he took the change and put it into his pocket. “Where is your bathroom?”

“Down the left side and the doors in front of you.”

He grabbed his bag and ran to the bathroom as he actually needed to go. Once he got inside and locked the door, he placed the bag on the ground and ripped open the test packaging. He looked briefly at the instructions and then took the test and opened in. He pulled the cover off and decided to sit on the toilet for this like a woman would do. He unbuttoned and then pulled down his jeans and boxers and sat on the toilet with the test between his legs. He began to relieve himself on the exposed part of the test and then cleaned himself up and placed the test on the counter on the sink. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands and waited for the results.

As he waited he began to feel himself where a belly would be. He couldn’t feel anything at first and then the horror came when he felt a swell at the jeans rim. The test was done and he looked at it stunned. The test was positive, Castiel was an angel, without grace and in a male vessel, that was pregnant.

“No!” He gasped, “Not possible.”

Castiel was terrified but at the same time relieved. He had the company of the Winchester brothers again and they would protect him as much as he needed. He tossed the test in the trash can and walked out to the Impala with worry in his heart. Sam noticed this and turned to Castiel as he got in the back,

“Are you ok Cas? You were in there for a while.”

Castiel could feel himself getting sick again and opened the bottle of tums and ginger ale and took some to calm his stomach down. He felt some of the edge go away and then replied, “Yes, much better.”

They continued to drive back to the bunker and Castiel fell asleep through the long drive. Today had been exhausting and he hoped for a better future now. When Dean shook him to wake up, Castiel wiped the drool off of his lip and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he got out of the back of the car.

“Are we there yet?” He yawned as he stretched.

“Yeah Cas we are. Welcome home.” Dean was beaming with happiness that Castiel was at their home now.

“I don’t understand, what am I supposed to see here?” Castiel was puzzled by the outside of the walls.

“Its underground and its secret. You need a key to get inside.” Sam unlocked the door and Castiel followed them inside. When the door was closed and the lights came on, he was in awe of the interior. The place was built like it was ready for war, old computers, machines, weapons and books everywhere. The place was decently lit too with tables and chairs.

They walked down the stairs and it felt safe inside.

“This is where you guys live?” He asked.

“Yeah Cas, this is home.” Said Dean as he clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Let me show you around.” Then Dean guided him to the kitchen, the room that he would be staying in and the bathrooms.

Castiel felt the need to use the bathroom again, “Dean, can I?” He pointed at the bathroom.

“Sure, this is your place too.” Dean replied.

“Thanks.” Castiel started to go inside the bathroom.

“Oh and Cas,”

Castiel turned to look at Dean, “Yes?”

“Use the shower, it feels amazing. And I think you are in need of one real bad too.” Dean left the room and closed the door behind him.

Castiel felt the silence of the room as he began to take off his clothes gingerly. He had managed to take his jacket and hoodie off before he turned on the water. It was icy cold but he knew that it would heat up soon. As he took off the remaining clothes he slid his hand down his belly and could really feel a bump forming under his smooth skin. It was a miracle that the baby had carried on inside of him. He was a complete human male with a body that was able to work in an inconceivable fashion.

He found the toilet and felt the pressure off of his bladder ease up. He had no idea how far along he was but if frequent urinating was a symptom then he must be somewhere in the double digits in weeks. He had a lot to look up on pregnancy and very quickly in order for his child to survive. Then he went back to check on the shower after he flushed it.

Castiel got under the water spray after it came to the right temperature he wanted. The pressure felt glorious, washing away all of the filth, grime and blood that had been building up on his body for the past week. He grabbed the shampoo that was in the corner and poured some into his hair and scrubbed in the thick lather. The smell of the refreshing old spice tingled all over his body as it washed away into the drain. 

He used the body wash next and was able to get all of the smell from every unclean crevice fresh. Castiel’s body tingled when the mint lathered up and washed away down the drain. Once he felt that he was clean enough, he turned off the water and found the towels that were stored away and grabbed one to dry himself off. Once he felt dry and found a set of loaned clothes and got dressed in them. There was a note that said, “Giving these a good wash. The laundry room is two doors down the hall on the right.”

Castiel put on the clean clothes and could smell the leather and grease from the shirt. They were clearly Dean’s clothes and he felt so happy in them. He felt the pants become tight around his middle and saw the outline of his belly stick out more. He would need to tell the Winchesters soon or else. He walked down the hallway and then found the brothers talking.

“Let’s give him a break, he’s been wandering across America looking for this place and staying away from Angels.” It was Dean.

“Ok we can. Just to help him recover from the recent events.” It was Sam speaking but it didn’t sound entirely like him. They saw Castiel walk into the main room and stopped talking to each other.

“Hello Sam and Dean.”

“Hey Cas, how was the shower?” Asked Dean.

“It was wonderful, I may need to have another one soon.”

“Take as many as you’d like. We want you to settle in with us.”

“Thank you, I much appreciate that.” Castiel paused and looked down a second before opening his mouth, “Dean I need to-”

“If you need to eat, I’ll go get us some burritos from a place a few minutes away from here. You sound like you need to eat something,” Castiel’s stomach growled loudly, “Is there anything in particular you want on it?”

Castiel remembered that he didn’t like raw tomatoes, or spicy foods, “I’ll take anything on it that isn’t tomato or spicy. I can’t handle the heat.”

Dean nodded and began to leave. He halted and then turned to Sam and gave him a look and then he followed Dean and continued to walk up the stairs. The doors shut, leaving Castiel all to himself, and he heard the Impala drive away.

The loneliness started to get to him and then he walked around, hoping to run into Kevin. He walked into the kitchen, looking for a quick snack, and as he opened the fridge he heard footsteps behind him.

“Ow!” Castiel banged his head as he pulled out of the fridge to see Kevin behind him.

“Castiel, its nice to see you’re in one piece.”

“And you too Kevin. What’s in the fridge that savors a sweet tooth?” Castiel wanted something sweet like chocolate or candy.

“We have pudding cups and soda if thats what you would like?”

Castiel then looked back in and found slices of Hershey Pie in boxes and his mouth began to water. He grabbed it, found a spoon and ripped open the box. He began to shovel in the pie in his mouth and indulge in it.

“That’s Dean’s pie Castiel. He’s not going to be hap-”

“I don’t care what Dean is going to feel when his pie is missing. He can buy more cause I can’t.” Castiel continued to stuff his face with the pie. He finished the pie and then saw the second slice and began to reach for it after he tossed the empty box. Then he ripped the second box open and devoured the slice. The chocolate and the cream and the cookie crust were oh so delicious to him. Once he finished he felt so satisfied from the cravings.

“I guess you wanted some good stuff huh?” He talked down to himself after licking off the chocolate from the corner of his lips. He began to feel a warm sensation from within for giving in to his first set of cravings. Then he could feel eyes from Kevin still staring down at him.

“Are you ok? You have a glow about you that isn’t normal.” Kevin was a little scared by Castiel and his eating habits that he just saw.

Castiel swallowed and replied, “Yes and no. I’m not sure how to explain everything, but I just dealt with my first set of cravings. That was a little scary on my part.”

Kevin was spooked but calmly walked out of the kitchen to leave Castiel to clean up the boxes. He did and then he patted his stomach.

“That was really tasty. I’m glad you know what’s best for you.” He talked down to his still developing baby.

Then he heard the buzzer go off for a dryer and went to see what needed to be done. Once he opened the dryer and felt the heat escape onto his face. Then he pulled out the laundry and felt the warmth on his hands and smelled the fabric softener, it smell so sweet and floral. he stripped off what he was wearing and then put on the clothes from the dryer. They felt so warm to be in and it was heavenly.

Castiel went to go put back what Dean loaned him and then he heard the Winchester brothers in the lobby. He walked to see what they were talking about.

“What are you talking about? I don't see half of the nerdy stuff that you do. It doesn't mean that you don't do nerdy stuff.” Dean was talking to Sam while holding a half eaten burrito

Then he walked into the room feeling fresh, clean and ready for his new life as a human.

“I am really enjoying this place. Plentiful food. Good water pressure. Things I never even considered before. There really is a lot to being human, isn't there?”

“It ain't all just burritos and strippers, my friend.” Dean was sitting on a table and munching on the burrito in his hand with a drink in the other.

“Yeah. I understand what you're saying.”

“You do?” Sam was standing next to his brother.

“Yes, there's more to humanity than survival. You... look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter.”

“Where does hedonism come into it?” Dean was confused.

“Well, my time with April was very educational.” Castiel almost sounded smug.

“Yeah. I mean, I would think that getting killed is something.” Said Sam.

“And having sex.” Castiel replied.

Dean choked on his food for a second, surprised that his friend had sex with a woman. He tried to get him to try with a brothel chick years back but Castiel had done it so willingly this time.

“You had sex with April?”

“Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in.” Sam was surprised too.

“Shh!” Dean wanted to know more about Castiel’s first time with a woman. He never really considered their night together as Castiel’s first so this was amazing to hear. Castiel and Sam nodded in an agreeing fashion and then Dean asked,

“So... did you have protection?”

“I had my angel blade.” Castiel thought that that’s what he meant.

“Oh - oh, he had the Angel blade.” Dean realized that if April wasn’t a reaper then there could be a little Castiel running around in a few months.

“Um...” Sam was extremely awkward during all of this.

“In any event, I - I do now see how difficult life can be and how well you two have led it. And I think you'll be great teachers.”

“Thanks, Cas.” Dean replied.

“Are there any more burritos?” Castiel asked, he didn’t know if they forgot to get his food.

“Uh, yes.” Dean pointed towards the kitchen and Castiel went straight for it.

Then he found the bag with the food in it and saw one with his name on the foil. He grabbed and unwrapped it and then took a bite. The taste of the meat with the lettuce, cheese, meat and beans was amazing. The warmth and texture of the food felt so good to chew. He hadn’t had something the yummy in a while. He grabbed a second one after he finished his first one and walked to to the library. He sat down in a chair and began to eat the second one. He sees Dean walking up to him a few moments later.

“Epic food. I can't get enough.”

“Cas, uh, can we talk?” Dean sounded unsure.

“Of course.” Castiel pulled out a chair for Dean, “Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, our time together.”

Dean decided to sit on the table instead, he didn’t know how to say the next part to his friend,

“Listen, buddy. Um... You can't stay.”

Castiel didn’t understand what was going on, but it was important that he told Dean about the miraculous pregnancy inside him.

“Dean I don’t understand?”

“Cas, this hurts me too but its for the best. I’ll let you rest for one night and give you some money and clothes but then you need to be on your way.”

“Dean, I need to tell you something important.”

“Cas it can wait.”

“No Dean I NEED to tell you-”

“Cas, my word is final. If you try to fight me more I will make you leave even sooner.”


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel shut up and watched Dean walk away to the next room. He had lost his appetite and felt shameful for being so hopeful for happiness with Dean and the safety of the bunker. He pushed his burrito away, losing his appetite, and placed a hand on his swell. He wanted to cry for the first time in his life because he was scared and confused. How was he supposed to support himself now. He was in the modern day world where anything weird or unusual lands you in a lab to be poked and prodded.

Castiel decided to try and finish the food for the sake of the baby and then take a nap to rest up from the recent events. He walked to what was supposed to be his room and sat down on the bed before lying on his side and burying his face into the soft pillow. A tear slipped down his face out of fear.

“I guess this is how it’s going to be now.” He muttered to himself before falling asleep.

The next morning he woke up to a paper bag on the floor at the foot of the bed. Castiel looked inside it and saw that it contained $600 cash, three shirts, two pairs of jeans, some gum, a razor with some spare blades, deodorant and shampoo. Then for water was a reusable bottle, probably provided by Sam and some peanut butter and crackers. Then he looked on the outside and there was a note that read, “Meet me upstairs in ten minutes.”

Castiel grabbed the bag and put in the ginger ale, tums, candy bar and bag of chips in as well. He really wanted to tell one of the Winchester brothers what was going on. No, wanted is not the right word. He NEEDED to tell the Winchester brothers what was going on for his safety and the baby’s safety too. 

Sam knocked on his door and went inside to check on him.

“Everything ok Cas?”

Castiel looked up with a tear creeping from his eye, “Everything is fine. I’m just collecting my things to leave.”

“Leave? Why are you leaving?” Sam was really confused.

“Dean told me to go and I’ll do as Dean asks me to do.” Castiel began to walk out.

“No you won’t.” Sam blocked his exit, “Something is wrong and you need to tell me. I won’t let you leave if you don’t.”

“I only want to tell Dean this news. He wouldn’t even believe me if I did.”

“Castiel, tell me now!” Sam was getting cross, “Sit and explain.” Little did Sam know that Ezekiel was listening in too.

They sat down on the bed and Castiel took a deep breathe in and exhaled slowly.

“A few months ago, when I was unknowingly gathering ingredients for Metatron’s spell, Dean and I had a moment after the nephilim. He was intoxicated and so was I and we...”

Sam was listening and put two and two together, “Oh you did?”

Castiel nodded and continued, “Well apparently something happened from that and even though I’ve lost my grace, its continued on.”

Sam had a feeling what was going on, “So you are saying that you have a...?” Sam was unsure what to say next.

“No I’m not sick.”

Sam sighed relief.

“I’m pregnant.”

Sam was completely blown away by those words coming out of Castiel’s mouth. Ezekiel inside had red alarms going off and everything he wanted to do Castiel were completely gone. He wanted to protect Castiel now, for the sake of the baby. But he also wanted him gone so Castiel couldn’t attract other angels to the bunker.

“I’m oh... Oh wow... That’s um...” Sam coughed out awkwardly.

“I didn’t believe it either until I took a test designed for women and it came out positive. I have all of the well known symptoms, nausea, frequent need to urinate, cravings, hunger, exhaustion. I don’t know how far along I am but this bump that I have probably means I’m in the double digit weeks.” He pointed to his stomach that had become more prominent in the clothes he stole.

“We need to tell Dean right now.” Sam sounded hurried, trying to get Castiel up and get him out to find his brother.

Sam ran out looking for his brother while Castiel stood there and decided that Sam knowing was fantastic. He followed slowly and then found them in the lobby.

“Sam I already told him he can’t stay. My word is final and my foot goes down, that’s it, its done now.” Dean was furious and not having it with Sam.

“Dean, its really impor-” Sam started.

“Sam Winchester!” Dean’s face was bright red.

“Give me the keys then.” Dean threw the keys at Sam and walked away.

Sam had a defeated look on his face and Castiel was shocked at how angry Dean was over Sam trying to get him to stay.

“Sam, I think its for the best. The fact that you know helps me out a lot. I will stay in contact with you as best I can.” Castiel started walking up the stairs with his head hung low.

Sam followed and then they got into the Impala and drove off. Sam drove for quite a bit and then they stopped a few towns over and Sam parked at a Walmart.

“Stay here, I’ll be back in a few.” He left and went inside.

Castiel stayed inside the car and contemplated on staying and waiting for Sam orstarting to walk off right now. He had nothing and was a freak of nature in the human world, no one would care about him. It would just be better to walk away right now.

Just as Castiel started to get out of the car with his bag in hand, Sam approached him.

“Just before you take off I have somethings for you that will come in handy.” He nudged the bag in his hand towards Castiel.

Castiel opened it to find a back pack, a prepaid phone and prenatal vitamins.

“You can’t carry everything in a paper bag forever, it will melt. Also our phone numbers are programmed in there and the vitamins will keep my niece or nephew growing good.” He looked down and placed a hand on the swell with a smile, “I’m so sorry about this. I wish this wasn’t happening at all to you. No one deserves this, especially you of all people.”

Castiel smiled for this little moment of kindness from his friend and went in to give Sam a hug. He was hugged back and then they let go.

“I want to book you a motel for a few nights if that’s ok? Just to help you find a job.”

Castiel nodded and then they drove a few streets over and found a place. Sam went inside to book a week of motel stay for Castiel and then handed the key to the room to his friend.

“I guess this is good bye for now. If you need me, please don’t hesitate to call me.”

“I will. Thank you for all you have done today, I will be always grateful.”

Then Sam waved at Castiel and got back into the car. He started the engine and then regretfully drove off and back to the bunker.

Castiel unlocked the door to the room and went inside after shutting the door and locking it behind him. He placed the bags on the table and then went and lied down on the bed after taking his shoes off. Then he got under the covers and went and tried to take a nap. He could feel it becoming futile to try after he tossed and turned for a few minutes. Then he kicked off the sheets in anger and threw the chairs around, grunting in frustration.

Castiel gave up when he finally realized that he was on his own again and this time for good. He would have to make his way into the world as best as he could. He would have to support himself and his baby as best as humans do.

It dawned on Castiel that maybe Sam would tell Dean while he was still here and they would find him. He would get his hopes up and it would be glorious but then could be short lived like at the bunker.

“I need to keep moving.”

Castiel dug into the Walmart bag and opened the backpack. He then grabbed a pillow and stuffed it in and then unloaded items from the paper bag and put them in there too. He got the phone open and saw that it was fully charged before turning it off and putting it into his pocket. Then he grabbed the vitamins, got his bottle of ginger ale and took one as a start to his new life. He found the candy bar and began to munch on it to get ready for the new way of life. Castiel got the cash and gum and put those in his pockets too before he got his bag on his back and then threw the key on the table and left the room. He was going to make it on his own, Castiel was determined of it. 

“This is how it’s going to be now little one.” He stroked his pudge before walking for the nearest road to find his way into the world.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Winchester’s POV

 

Sam drove the Impala angrily back to the bunker and made it home quickly. How dare Dean throw Cas out like that? Cas has done nothing but be helpful to them and when he needed their help, Dean turns his back on him?

Sam got inside and went and found Dean, livid with rage.

“Hey Sammy, why were you gone for so-” Then Sam punched him hard in the face.

Dean was taken a back by this and almost fell down in shock.

“Sammy what the he-” Sam threw his brother down on the floor and kicked him hard,

“You stupid son of a bitch!” Sam hollered at Dean.

“SAM! What’s gotten into you?” Dean yelled as he got back up.

“You throwing out Cas like that. And for no good reason?” Sam bellowed at Dean.

“Sam I had to-” Dean began to get defensive

“No you didn’t. I don’t even think you have a good enough reason to why you threw him out. You didn’t even know about his condition did you?”

“I knew he had his grace stolen but that’s not new to m-” Dean was thrown against a file cabinet with his shirt bunched up in Sam’s fists.

“You and Cas hooked up a few months ago didn’t you? Cause he told me everything.”

“What are you tal-”

“Dean he’s pregnant with your kid.” Sam finally said.

Dean brushed it off, “You’re crazy-”

Then Sam became Ezekiel, “I heard it Dean. I heard a second heartbeat come from him. He is a pregnant fallen angel and you cast him out. We need to find him and I know where Sam dropped him off.” The Ezekiel went back to being Sam, “Dean!”

“Alright Sam, we’ll go get him. Take me where you dropped him off.” Sam let go of his brother and the ran out to go back out and pick up their friend.

They made it back to the motel quickly and then they went up to the door and knocked on it.

“Cas! It’s Dean, open up. I want you to come back now. I promise no more funny business.” They knocked on the door again,

“Cas its Sam, open up!”

They knocked again and then a lady walked up to them.

“Gentlemen if you are looking for the man that was in this room, he left an hour ago with a full backpack.” And then she walked back into her room.

They managed to open the door and saw the mess of chairs and the key on the table. The woman was right, Castiel was gone and no where to be found.

Dean had never felt so regretful in his life till this point. He wish that maybe he could have heard Sam and Cas say what they were going to say. His thick skull only listened to Ezekiel, maybe if he had heard the heartbeat then this wouldn’t be happening right now. Dean wanted to crawl in a hole and die and shed tears but he couldn’t. He had to be brave, he would look for his friend and his baby. He would find them and redeem himself to them. He wouldn’t stop looking till Cas and the baby were safe in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be going to the Katsucon in DC this weekend so I will be more focused on my famous Taxi Cas cosplay this coming week. I love all the support I have gotten with this fic. You guys are amazing to write for. Thanks


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katsucon was kinda boring but hopefully those who met me there over the weekend have taken a look at my works. Heya to you guys :)
> 
> So about that fire at the con? XD
> 
> No really there was a fire at Katsucon 2016 XD

Castiel hiked on the roads through the town for sometime. He was hoping to find a bus station that would take him where he would need to go for the next part of his life. It took him sometime but then he came across one and entered it, first though he need to use the bathroom. He used the restroom, washed his hands and went to find a schedule and map. His next important decision would be where to relocate himself. Castiel was still in Kansas and was looking for somewhere more barren and less populated so he may be safer.

He looked through the times of when the buses would leave and where they were going. It took a while but then he found a state he decided would be the safest for him and his child, Idaho. Not too many people live there, a lot of wilderness, and hopefully safety. He saw a town the was close to where there was a nice population close by, Burton, Idaho. It seemed like a decent walk to the nearest towns so he decided to make the move there.

Castiel saw the times and that the next bus there would be leaving in ten minutes and it was now or never. He walked up to the ticket window and purchased his ticket. Then he made his way onto the bus and sat down in one of the over used seats and buckled his seatbelt. It was a little tighter than usual as his swell made it uncomfortable.

Feeling hungry again he opened the back pack and took out the candy bar that he had bought at the pharmacy. The sticky chocolate and nougat helped his cravings, which seemed to be a simple chocolate craving. Better than a banana and ranch dressing or a peanut butter and ham sandwich craving.

The bus announced they were about to leave and Castiel decided to try and sleep while he could. It was going to be a long ride from Kansas to Idaho. He felt the bus move and start to drive off onto the open road as he drifted off to sleep. His hand still laid on his bump the entire time. He would do whatever it took to keep his baby safe and well.

Castiel awoke half way through the trip in need of a restroom break. Fortunately the driver was headed to a rest stop for all of the passengers. Well all of the five passengers on board the bus. Once the bus stopped and the ok was given, Castiel made his way off to find the bathroom. Once relief came to him, he went to find something more satisfying for his appetite. He came across a pizza hut stand and ordered two personal pizzas, one cheese and one pepperoni. He wanted a soda but knew that caffeine would hurt his child. He paid for the food and then went to eat one of the pizzas before getting back on the bus. They smelled so good and then quickly both of them were devoured and Castiel was without food for later again. The bus was about to leave soon and Castiel made it back on very quickly so he could continue the rest of his trip sleeping.

Castiel was soon asleep and had begun to experience one of the human habits he had gained, dreams. But the dreams Castiel had during his nap were new to him. He was in a cloud of some sorts and then the form of a fully developed baby in those clouds. He couldn’t believe it but he could see that this was his child growing inside of him. And then the baby looked at him with a toothless smile and it began to talk to him.

“Hi Daddy.” It was a giggly young child’s voice.

Castiel couldn’t believe that he was seeing the person inside on him in physical form, “Hi uh baby.” This was making him nervous.

“Its ok Daddy. I know this is weird but I can talk to you like this when you sleep. I knew you could hear me Daddy, you heard my screams when that reaper killed us. But another angel saved us, he is a good angel.”

“How do you know this?” Castiel asked. The baby had a shroud between its belly button and knees to hide its sex. Its little feet were kicking out and it was rocking around like a happy baby.

“Daddy, I am a nephilim. Well a new one of course, the last one you killed for that Metadouche’s spell.” The baby had a grumpy face and a pouty lip.

Castiel smirked at that name, “So... Um... How are you able to do this? Speak inside my head.”

“Daddy I told you already, I’m a nephilim. You could speak to Dean in his dreams when you still were an angel right?”

“Yes I could but-” Why didn’t his baby acknowledge that Dean was its other father?

“Just because I’m inside you still doesn’t mean that won’t stop me.” The baby put its hands over its mouth and giggled with a big smile. “I’ve grown enough that I can hear you and think. Plus that nice angel’s help gave me a boost to say hi. You were really weak Daddy, I was worried that you wouldn’t make it. By the way that tattoo needle poked at me and I didn’t like it. It hurt and tickled me.” The baby slapped its legs and bounced a bit.

Castiel woke up unexpectedly and looked down at his belly, still the same size and still held snuggly by the seatbelt. He hoped that this wasn’t a joke that his brain was playing because his belly was still small, but still didn’t know how far along he was. He hooked up with Dean after the nephilim and then a month and a half later he lost his grace. He was at the men’s shelter for the longest time and unfortunately those days melted together so he knew he was there for weeks but didn’t have a calendar or know when he arrived and when he left. That was the hard part of this equation. Castiel decided to try and get himself looked at by someone that he could try and run out on after the scan was finished.

It was nightfall when the bus stopped at its location and the passengers were let off in Burton Idaho. Castiel looked at the clock and saw that it was close to nine thirty and he would need to find a safe place for the night. He got off and found a motel right next door to the station. 

He walked up to the check in counter, “Can I have a room for the night please? I have cash.”

The lady behind the counter took his money and handed him a key to a single queen bed room.

Castiel took it, found the room, unlocked the door and went inside. He plopped his bag on the floor next to the bed as he sat down on it. He rolled over on his back and sank into the mattress.

“Hey little one.” He placed a hand on his bump with a smile, “Was that you talking to me in my dreams?”

There was silence.

“If you can talk to me in my dreams then you can kick me to tell me something.”

Still silent.

“I have to get you looked at possibly so I know more about you. Can I ask you how far along you are?”

Nothing.

“You confuse me, you know that.” He dug around in the backpack and found the prepaid phone Sam gave him. He turned on the phone that he got and saw that he had wifi in the building which was going to be handy right now.

Castiel typed in the phone **pregnancy phases** and searched through the web. He got a ton of search results in seconds. One peeked his interest on WebMD about fetal growth and due dates and he clicked on it. It had a due date calculator on the page.

**See when your baby is due! Type in either date of conception or first day of last menstrual cycle.**

Castiel knew for a fact he didn’t have periods or ovulate like normal human females so date of conception would work. He typed in **May 8th** ,the year was **2013** and he clicked on the button. The results came up with it being 29th of January 2014. Today was the 20th of August, he was fifteen weeks along.

“Hm, maybe Dean would have wanted you as a nice belated birthday gift.” He talked to to his baby, “If he knew about you.”

Castiel’s face saddened at thought of their child without Dean in its life, despite that no love was put into their creation it should still have both of its parents around. 

Castiel really did care for Dean, he always had. Ever since he saw Dean in the pits of Hell and had swooped down and raised him out. He put Dean before his whole garrison and Heaven’s existence. He loved him and it almost made him stir crazy that Dean threw him out of the protected bunker like that. Why? Why would he do that? Castiel had done so much for Dean and his brother and then gets thrown out like this.

Castiel’s eyes starting to tear up at the realization that he was being abandoned by his love. Well on his side, he didn’t know Dean’s side of the relationship except that he stated that they were friends that had a one night stand because he was drunk. Why? What did he do for this? Castiel was going to become a single parent and needed help at some point but couldn’t because of how abnormal situation is. Well its medically and biologically impossible for the regular human being. But Castiel was pregnant as an angel and it miraculously continued when he became human. He would need to domesticate himself and get his own place soon and baby necessities and give his baby a name. A name, he needed to decide on a name before his child was born. Castiel wanted to go by a name that meant miracle since this was one.

“I don’t know what to call you yet but maybe you could help me out if you are at home.” He talked to the baby while petting his bump.

“If I tell you a name will you kick me if you like it. I know you haven’t kicked me yet or moved much but maybe you will...”

He remembered a few names but only two stuck out, “Matthew? I can call you Mattie if you are a girl.”

Nothing.

“I have had my heart on Jesse and it can-” Castiel felt something shift inside of him, “Jesse?” 

He felt it again, it was light but it was there. He placed his hand more towards the side and felt his stomach nudge his palm gently.

“Your name is Jesse? It works in case you are a girl too” More movement, “Jesse.” Castiel smiled, his child’s name is Jesse. In Hebrew it meant gift, which is what miracles are. And that is what the baby Jesse was to Castiel, a gift from Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used an actual calculator for this date. I selected the date of 21st ep of season 8 aired which was May 8th 2013 and the date mentioned was my Idol's (Misha himself) BDay. I did do research for the name and that was one of the only gender neutral names I found because I have selected the sex but I will not tell till birth.
> 
> Deciding to make this a supernatural child or not was kinda hard to decide but I thought that maybe since angels can intrude in peoples dreams that this child would be definitely half angel and it didn't loose that when Castiel lost his grace.


	11. Chapter 11

The colours of the sunrise cut through curtains of the room as Castiel stirred from another nap. He checked his phone to see that it was nine in the morning and that he would need to check out of the room soon and get moving. The reality of his new life was setting in as he knew he would have to find a job to support himself and his child. He walked out of the room to find a newspaper for job listings and also found a map of the local towns surrounding to see if a library was close by to help his search.

Castiel found a paper at the front office and took it back to his room. He looked at the copy of **The** **Rexford Post** that was in his hands and read through a few of the pages. Made him think back to the days when he tried hunting with the Winchesters and they went looking for cases in newspapers and the internet. Nothing was out of ordinary this time so he wouldn’t have to worry about them coming to find him anytime soon.

He found a few job openings in Rexford, most of them specific skills which he had none of. One was for a plumber, a truck driver, and a daytime nanny. Then he saw an opening for a sales associate at a conveince store called Gas N Sip. There was a phone number to call and Castiel dialed it right away. There were a few rings and then a woman picked up the phone.

“Hello Gas N Sip this is Nora speaking. How can I help you?”

Castiel cleared his throat and then replied, “ Yes I was wondering if the sales associate position has been filled. Or are you still accepting applications?”

“We are still accepting applications right now but we also have walk in interviews going on from 10 to 2 today only.”

Castiel felt hopeful at the sound of this, “Thank you for telling me. I will be in later today.”

“No problem. I hope to see you soon.” Then the line went dead.

Castiel knew he had to shower for this interview so he rummaged through his backpack and found the shampoo and razor and got into the shower. The clean feeling he gained when he got out and dried himself.

“Your father is going to find us a job so please be quiet if you can Jesse.”

He felt a flutter which probably meant yes from Jesse. Castiel didn’t know it but Jesse’s development was different than a human baby. Nephilims could be as ahead as five weeks in a human pregnancy in development, which was why it had brain activity at 15 weeks instead of a regular 20 weeks. Jesse could talk to Castiel like a regular angel could through dreams and as well as angel radio, hence why April could hear the baby’s screams of pain when she was torturing Castiel. Jesse however had been weak in the first few weeks of development from lack of nutrition and after Ezekiel healed Castiel Jesse’s development was jumpstarted back to life. Jesse only responds or talks to him from now on.

Castiel got dressed in his clothes but decided he needed a new shirt for his interview. Before that he went and booked another night in his motel room for safety reasons. Then he walked across the street to the Walmart and went to get a nice shirt. He wanted to find clothes similar to the ones he stole, they were very comfy material wise.

Once he walked inside he found the mens aisle and went straight for it. He looked at the sizes and made a realization.

“I’m going to sizes larger for Jesse.” He muttered to himself.

He walked to the dress shirt section and picked out a collared white button down and on the other side he found a white shirt with purple stripes. The button down was a little larger and then the purple shirt was a lot larger. Just as he was about to walk to check out he realized that the jeans he was wearing were getting tight and would have to get a larger new pair. He went to get a pair of suit pants and jeans and a belt for them Then he noticed that he would need new socks and underwear too. Everything that Castiel had never needed before he would need now as a human with a life growing within him.

When he made it to the register he also picked up a pack of gum for his breath for the interview. After his order was rung up, it came to $88.05 and when he looked in his wallet it he saw that he had maybe less than $400 dollars cash left to his name. Only his father would know how much longer he could last with this money.

He walked back to his motel room, changed into the white collar shirt and new pair of jeans with the belt and took his vitamin after munching on a cheeseburger that he bought at the McDonalds next door. He needed to eat more and the last of his money wasn’t going to last long now. He hoped that if he got this job that they would help take care of his food situation.

He finished getting ready and got the address put into the GPS on his phone and began the trek to the store, in the August heat. He had been walking for quite sometimeby the time he checked his phone, seeing that it was 1 o’clock. He would lose his chance at the job interview if he didn’t pick up the pace. Castiel began to walk a tad faster without trying to break a sweat in the roasting heat. Then his luck turned around when he was able to flag a passing car. After looking at his phone he saw that he had fifteen minutes left before two o’clock.

“Where to?” A man asked as Castiel got inside the car.

“The Rexford Gas N Sip. I have a job interview to get to.” Castiel was feeling the relief from the blasting AC in the car.

“Congrats man, I’m heading there anyway for some ice cream. So lets go.” The man began to drive away towards the store.

They made it there a few minutes later and Castiel felt relief as he walked inside and saw that it was the store was simple. A slushie machine, coffee pots, snacks, soda, beer, lottery and even a hot bar. Then he saw the clock behind the counter and sighed happiness when he saw that he had five minutes left before two. He also saw a woman wearing a blue uniform vest behind the counter helping customers with a name tag that read “Nora”, This must have been the woman that he talked to on the phone. He went up and approached the counter,

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Nora. I’m here for a walk in interview.”

The woman looked up and at him, “Oh hello there, I was hoping to see you today.” She looked at the clock, “You made it just in time too. Please follow me to the break room while I get someone to cover the front.” She smiled at him and it made him feel much more confident.

Castiel followed her to the back, “Please take a seat here and I will be back in a second.”

He picked a chair and sat in it while she went out to the front. He could hear hallelujah choruses when when he got off his feet.

“Jesse, why must you do this to me. I love you but father help me and these side effects of you are going to be the death of me.” He said to himself.

Then it occurred that Castiel would need a new name while he worked here. Clarence couldn’t be used anymore and he sure as hell couldn’t use his real name, no matter if he was protected or not. The time he had to himself he had to come up with something. A few seconds later his time was up as Nora came back into the room with and application and a notebook.

“Well you already qualify for the job, most of the people coming in are minors or under 21. The law says that we can’t hire minors because of the safety reasons and then underages because of the beer we sell here.”

Castiel smiled with more confidence.

“Before we can start, can I please have your name sir?”

Castiel spewed out the first name that came out of his head, “Steve. Steve Newlin.” He had no clue why he said that.

“Well Steve, what kind of skills do you have that would benefit this store?” Nora asked.

Castiel thought for a bit and then answered, “I have skills for organization, cleanliness, and customer satisfaction. I can learn new skills very efficiently too.”

Nora nodded in approval, “I like this answer. How many years of job experience do you have?”

“I used to sell ad space on AM radio before I was derailed in life. Now I’m trying to start from the bottom and work to the top.” Castiel remembered that part of his vessel’s old job.

“Hm.” Nora wasn’t expecting that answer, “How soon can you start if hired?”

“I could start today if you needed me.” Castiel replied, it sounded hopeful.

“Great, you are hired starting tomorrow.” Nora smiled and stuck her hand out, “Welcome to the team Steve Newlin. Follow me for your employee manual and your uniform and some papers to fill out.” She walked out.

Castiel couldn’t believe it but he had a job now. An actual human paying job that could get him money to support him and Jesse.

“Jesse, this is how it’s going to be now. I hope you are as happy as I am.” He smiled down at his bump feeling flutters inside as his baby was also happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I love your enthusiasm but I have a life too. I work two jobs, a boyfriend and I'm in the process of finishing a move. I really do love your dedication don't get me wrong but just like Chuck Shirley said, "Writing is hard."  
> I am writing as fast as I can and I'm trying to fill in the blanks as best as I can. We will get back into the episode "Heaven Can't Wait" soon I promise.
> 
> Also I am a HUGE True Blood fan and I can't think of a better last name than Newlin for a Steve. Just like how the WInchesters use rock alias as FBI I can give Castiel one from True Blood.


	12. 11 Weeks Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Lucifer said "I'M BACK BABY!!!"

 

Working for Gas N Sip wasn’t too hard. With the help from Nora, Castiel was in charge of the different shifts during the week. He learned how to brew coffee for the pots, work the lottery machine, stock shelves, clean the slushie machine, cook foods and keep warmers clean. His most despised chore though was cleaning the store and bathrooms and fixing things. The chemicals made him sick as well as the smell of human waste that would over flow in clogged toilets. 

Everyday he felt Jesse growing and getting stronger. He could feel his pants getting tighter and his belly becoming larger. The food selection wasn’t great or healthy but it was discounted and unlimited. When Castiel had the opportunity he would buy food enriched in nutrition for a healthy pregnancy. He had been reading more about how to take care of himself and Jesse with books from the library.

The only thing that he wasn’t happy about was not being able to afford a bed to sleep in. After he was hired he spent one more night at the motel so he could buy a sleeping pad and a sleeping bag so he could sleep in the storage room of the store. Every night after closing Castiel would unroll the bag and the pad from its hiding place and try to sleep in a secluded area so he wouldn’t be found. He also had grooming supplies and a bag for his clothes when he needed to go to the laundromat every week on his days off.

Castiel had even been able to make enough that he could store away for an apartment for when Jesse was born. He wanted to call Dean so many times and tell him what was going on but he assumed that Dean wouldn’t help after he kicked him out of the bunker. Castiel dearly wished that Dean would know about his soon to be child. Jesse kept him company these days and at night. When Castiel would sleep Jesse would talk to him and remind him that he was doing a good job and what and what not to do for Castiel’s safety.

Castiel was counting the drawer when Nora walked behind him to grab a pack of cigarettes for a customer. She had pushed him into the register, which closed the drawer and spooked him.

“Oh Nora its you. If you need me to move then please ask me next time.”

Nora felt embarrassed, “I’m sorry Steve, I didn’t mean to push you.”

Castiel smiled and then went back to counting the drawer. He didn’t know that she was looking down at his protruding belly. She had been seeing it grow ever since he had started to work here and it was intriguing as to why that was happening. He looked pregnant, not knowing he really was, but men can’t its biologically impossible. Men can get a beer belly or gain weight from some other reason. She didn’t want to stick her nose where it didn’t belong but it was still on her mind when she went home after her shift.

Later Castiel was on his lunch break and happily eating a small feast of a Taco Bell and Burger King. He was able to purchase foods from restaurants every so often to satisfy Jesse, but to also feed the idea of he was eating unhealthy foods and thats why he was gaining the weight. Nora came in a few minutes later to microwave her leftovers from her dinner the night before. She saw him and finally asked the burning question. 

“Can I ask you a question Steve?”

Castiel swallowed his last bite of burger, “Yes, what can I answer?”

Nora shifted a little, “I’ve noticed that you have been gaining weight these past weeks that you have worked here. I was wondering if its bad eating habits or something else?”

Castiel sighed, he knew it was a matter of time before people would ask questions. But he had been smart and read up different reasons for weight gain in men.

“I have a condition that requires me to take medication that unfortunately makes me insatiably hungry and that makes me gain weight.”

“What’s wrong if I may ask?” 

“It’s complicated.” That part was true.

Nora got her food out of the microwave and sat down opposite of him, stirring her leftover chinese. Castiel felt unsettled as he finished his fries and took sips from his water bottle. Once he finished eating he felt happy kicks from Jesse from the food and got up from his seat, clearing the table of his food wrappers. Nora placed her hand on his arm and looked guilty.

“Steve, I want to apologize for getting nosey. You are a dedicated worker and I hope I didn’t offend you or anything.”

Castiel felt better hearing this from Nora and smiled, “No worries. I just can’t explain what’s going on.”

“No I understand. Its just customers make comments that you may be a drinker or worse.”

Castiel never really liked beer or alcohol much. He only drank to drown his sorrows or socially.

“What’s worse than a drinker?”

Nora shifted a bit, she was uncomfortable with what she was going to say next.

“Have you ever heard of that movie Junior? It has the Terminator actor in it.”

Castiel was still not up to date on all of the pop culture references, “No I can’t say I have.”

Now Nora really felt uncomfortable, “I’m not going to say what it’s about, but you can always look it up.”

Castiel looked at the clock and saw he needed to go back to work, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

The store closed that night, Castiel snuck back in and found his sleeping bag andpad and set them up for the night. Then he went to the restroom and brushed his teeth and took prenatal vitamin with a swig of water. Jesse was always happy when “Daddy” took care of himself. Castiel had also bought a pillow to place under his growing belly and it had added much relief every night since. It did let the heat out of the bag though and that was the only thing he didn’t like.

Castiel fell asleep rather quickly that night and before he knew it Jesse was talking to him.

“Hey Daddy!” Jesse giggled. Jesse was still shrouded by the clouds but then turned to show Castiel the angel wing feathers coming in. Jesse had a lot of pointy looking pin feathers like you could see on a bird when they are growing in.

“Jesse?”

“Yes Daddy.” Jesse smiled.

“Are those wings growing in your back?”

“Yes Daddy they are. Don’t you remember, I’m a nephilim.”

“But the other one didn’t-”

“Not all nephilims are created equal. Dean was a vessel to Michael and your were an angel still when I was conceived. Those combined give me wings.”

Castiel was a little confused as to why he couldn’t be the only one to give his child wings.

“Jesse?”

“Hmm,”

“When are you due? Or so how far along are you?” Castiel gingerly asked his child.

“I’m 26 going on 27 weeks. More or so 7 months, which means I’m almost done cooking.” Jesse smiled and giggled.

“What will happen when you are ready to, you know, come out?”

“Daddy I can’t answer that.”

“Why not?” Castiel was concerned now.

“I don’t know how I will be born honestly.” Jesse shied away sheepishly.

“You don’t know!” Castiel was peeved by this answer. He didn’t know if he would have to cut himself open or if he would sprout an opening and have to push his child out into the cruel world.

“I may know once we get closer but right now I’m tired and you need sleep. Good night Daddy.” Jesse fell asleep and Castiel crashed.

The next morning Castiel’s phone alarm woke him up and he got ready for the day. He changed into a purple and gray striped collared shirt, jeans and his work vest. He stored away his sleeping bag, pad and pillow away and then went off to use the restroom, wash his face, brush his hair and teeth and shaved.

He started working on brewing the coffee for the pots, turning on the food warmers. He swept the floors and checked to see if anything was out of place. Unfortunately his Jesse belly would bump a few things off and it was hard to pick them back up. When everything looked perfect he went to get the cash till that was prepared by an associate the night before and counted it before placing it into the registers drawer. Then he went and unlocked the front door and turned on the open sign. Castiel saw that the brews were done and poured the pitchers into dispenser pots and fixed up the coffee station before moving onto wiping down the slushie machine.

Before he knew it he had his first morning customers coming in and making purchases. The first one was a woman making a snack stop and the next customer was a teenager getting some coffees for his friends before school. Things were quiet when Castiel was in the first shift of the day. Not much to worry about as most people were just on their way to school or work. Castiel grabbed a cup of decaf and poured in some milk and two packets of sugar to make it just right. He had read up caffeine was bad for pregnancy and it really agreed with him because Jesse would complain about how hyper he was and Castiel felt it when Jesse kicked his bladder so much that he almost wet himself a few times in front of Nora. 

Then two men came in and made their way to the coffee stand, he recognized them as being some of his regulars. They were talking about sports from what it sounded. He watched how one of them stirred their coffee with a wooden stirrer and then licked it. Castiel did the same and could taste that his coffee needed a little more milk. Then he saw one of the men throw their stirrer into the trash can and they celebrated with a cheer and high five. Castiel then did the same with the felt a little pride. He then heard the door alarm go off and he saw that Bill the paper delivery guy was walking in with the local papers.

“Morning Steve.”

Castiel put his hand up for a high five, “Bill. High-” Then Bill walked past him, ignoring the high five, “Five.” Castiel felt rejection that his friendly gesture was brushed off like that.

Bill dropped off the papers and then gave him a nod as he walked out. Castiel went to open the bundle of newspapers when Nora walked in through the door. She looked extremely rushed this morning.

“Sorry I'm late. I had to … drop the baby off at daycare, then hit every red light on the way here.” She looked around, “But guess I shouldn't have worried.” She take a moment, “Place looks great. Coffee urns?” She started listing things off.

“Uh, full.”

“Dairy case?”

“Stocked.” Castiel confirmed.

“Okay, Steve, last question – where have you been all my life?”

Castiel is confused by how to answer the question.

“You're not like the other sales associates. There's... something different about you.”

“I can assure you, there's – there's not.” Castiel was hoping that his cover wasn’t blown now.

“I know these things. You're ... hmm … special.” She walked off into the back room to get her vest.

Castiel turns back to the stack of newspapers and read the front page article “ **The Rexford Post”**

"LOCAL MAN PRESUMED DEAD", Underneath was the sub headed, "Fourth unexplained disappearance in weeks".

This seemed like a case that the Winchesters would be interested in. However He had cut off all contact with them about three months ago and hadn’t heard from them since. Castiel still really wanted to see Jesse’s family come and visit and maybe Dean could see what was going on. He didn’t know how or what happened next because he decided to call Dean, while he cleaned the slushie machine. 

“Hello?” He heard Dean’s voice on the other line.

“I may have a case for you, four missing in Rexford, Idaho. Presumed dead, but no bodies have been released to loved ones. And, there were reports of a strange substance at the scenes.”

“Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas. How are you?”

Castiel was not happy that he was doing this to begin with but now he had to reply to Jesse’s other father.

“I ... am busy.” Castiel trying to sound a little smug to the man who broke his heart.

“All right. So, how do you want to do this? You want to meet up at the latest scene? You want me to pick you up? What?”

Then his efforts to clean the machine fail as the blue raspberry slush spills all over the floor and on his clothes, “Um … I've got my hands full over here. I just – um...”

“Cas? Hello?” Dean is confused to the noise he heard on the other side.

“— thought you would want to know about the case.” Castiel said and then hung up on Dean in an effort to clean up the slush.

Nora saw the mess happening and rushed in to turn off the machine.

“I’ll go get the clean up mop and sign.”

Castiel felt relief when she came back with the mop.

“Steve,” She paused as he began to mop the floor, “Let me do this. I want you to change the ceiling light in aisle three.”

Castiel was happy to let her take charge and then went to the supply closest and tool locker to get a ladder and bulb and some tools. Little did he know that he had shifted around all of his living supplies in the process. The weight of the ladder wasn’t the best for his back but he managed and got it upright for the job. Castiel had seen a video that Nora shown him once before and it was a simple but tricky job. The weight in his belly had made his sense of balance off but Nora kept an eye on him mostly. Then she had to put the mop and supplies back and that’s when she saw it.

“ Hey, Steve? I found this in the supply closet.” She was holding up a baggie with toothpaste and toothbrush in it, “Do you know whose it is?”

Castiel had looked down and saw what she was holding and felt guilty. He didn’t want to loose these walls of safety but he also didn’t want to lose his stuff or get fired so he needed to come clean and lie at the same time.

“Um...” He climbed down from the ladder, “That's mine. Thanks.”

"I also found a rolled-up sleeping bag behind the tool locker.”

Castiel was fortunate that nothing else had been found.

“Yes, I wanted to be thorough with inventory, so I worked late last week, and taking a nap here was easier than going back home to my bed. Which I-I have, of course – a bed...and a home.” Castiel could feel all of the shame and sadness flow through his body and his voice. He still had no place for him and Jesse yet and while he had been looking, nothing came up that he could afford yet. 

“Wow, Steve. You're so... responsible.” Nora was really impressed by “Steve’s” performance and commitment to his job. She turns away and then comes back to him, “I've been afraid to ask. I-I don't want to take advantage of you as my employee, and I certainly don't want to jeopardize our working relationship. But as a working single mom, it's hard enough to get a date, let alone meet a really great guy.” Castiel felt a little puzzled about where all this is going. “And … tomorrow's my night off, and I know you're off, too, and … I was just wondering if there's any chance you're... free tomorrow night?”

“Um...” He pauses for a second, “Yes? Yes.” He replies confused.

“You're the best!” Nora plants a kiss on his cheek in joy.

Castiel is in a haze of what just happened but then he returns back to work before taking his first fifteen. The rest of the day is slow and but at the end of the day Castiel is happy to hide in the store till closing. When he rolls out his sleeping gear, takes his vitamin and cleans up for the night, sleep welcomes him dearly.

The next morning he had no idea what would hit him. As he printed out a lottery ticket for a customer, he had no clue who was behind her.

“ Good day, ma'am.” Castiel handed the ticket to the woman, “And good luck!” He was a little too intense for the thumbs up he gave her. Trying to fit it was still taking some use to. She gave him a thumbs up back cautiously after taking her ticket and walking out. Castiel then turns away and hears the familiar deep voice of an old friend.

“I'll have some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for giving me a break. My relationship with my boyfriend was needing some tending to and I am thankful that I took the break.
> 
> Also that joke about the movie Junior is actually something my friend says to people when I try to explain what Mpregs are without being embarrassed and saying the word out loud. Chuck know I love them and writing them but its an awkward subject for me to say to the general public.


	13. Chapter 13

There in front of him was Dean Winchester himself. First he noticed him and then Dean noticed the belly.

“Cas?” Dean was unsure what to say.

“ What are you doing here?” Castiel was not happy to see him. Well happy and not at the same time.

“Gee, it's nice to see you, too, Cas.”

“It's … Steve now.” He pointed to his name tag, “And... uh, you know you surprised me since you kicked me out and left me high and dry. Only Sam took care of me after you did.”

“Well, the feeling is mutual. I mean, I knew you had to lay low from the angel threat, but, uh, wow. This is some cover.” Dean tried to not look at his belly.

“My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate.”

“A sales associate?” Dean was a little impressed.

A delivery man passes Castiel a clipboard to sign as he starts talking back to Dean.

“I'm responsible for inventory, sales, customer service. I keep this place —”Then he said thank you to the man, “— clean and presentable. And when my manager's busy, I even prepare the food.”

“Wow. So you went from fighting … heavenly battles to nuking taquitos?”

“Nachos too.”

Castiel went and started a new job while Dean went and grabbed a bag of chips. Castiel rang him up with tension in the air. He gave Dean his receipt and then spoke,

“Dean what do you want?” Castiel was tired and wanted the truth.

“Cas I want you to come back with me. I want to offer you and our,” He looked around, “Baby, protection in the bunker. And I want to apologize for my behavior and actions.”

Castiel sighed, “How long have you been looking for me?”

“I went back out for you after Sam beat the crap out of me. When we went to the motel that Sam booked you a room in and you were gone, I was worried sick that something happened to you.”

“Dean I am fine. We are fine.” He smoothed a hand over his stomach.

“We huh? So I’m not in the picture anymore?” Dean felt hurt but he had a feeling he deserved it.

“I have been living here for almost three months and I am doing just fine. I almost have enough saved up for an apartment. I don’t do much around here except work, eat, wash clothes at the laundromat and visit the library.”

“What do you do for sleep?”

Castiel looked around and then whispered, “I sneak in at night and sleep here. I am the morning shift and so it makes sense.”

Dean could see that Castiel had everything figured out.

“What will happen when the baby is born? Or before that too?” Dean was trying to catch him off guard so he could come back with them.

“Jesse will tell me what will happen.” Castiel beamed proudly with his hand on his bump.

“Jesse? That’s the kid’s name? And how do you know everything will be fine?” Dean was not amused now.

“That’s the baby’s name. It means gift in Hebrew, which is what it is.” Castiel didn’t want to talk anymore and tried to get back to work.

“But he’s mine too-” Dean was cut off.

“I don’t know if Jesse is a boy or a girl. Jesse won’t reveal himself to me in out late night conversations.” Castiel was starting to get frustrated with Dean.

“You two converse with each other?”

“Jesse is a nephilim and can speak to me in dreams like I could with you before. Dean I need to get back to work now. We will talk later.” Castiel went to the back to get some items to restock shelves with.

Dean was moping around and trying to figure out how to bring Castiel home with him. Had he really fucked up this bad that Castiel wouldn’t want to come back with him. Sure he had drunk slept with him and gotten him pregnant and then went out late looking for him and then saved him and brought him home and then kicked him out because of Ezekiel’s request. He really wish he had listened to Sam when he was trying to explain Castiel’s condition. Maybe Ezekiel would have appeared too and saved the day. Who knows honestly? At this point Castiel made it sound like he didn’t want Dean to be in any involvement in Jesse’s life and that hurt him. No it made him more angry really. He couldn’t be a father to Ben from the start and now he has a shot to start right.

Castiel came back out with a box of jars and Dean began to follow him again.

“ This is not you, man. You are above this. Come on.”

“No, Dean. I'm not. I failed at being an angel. Everything I ever attempted came out wrong. But here … at least I have a shot at getting things right. I guess you can't see it, but … there's a real dignity in what I do – human dignity. And now that have Jesse to worry about soon I need to do things right by him too.” Castiel seriously wanted Dean to fuck off now.

“ Hate to interrupt you guys, but, Steve? Customer had an accident in the men's room.” Nora interrupted them.

“I'm on it.” Castiel was very thankful for her right now.

“Oh, and tonight – 7:00 at my place work for you?” She asked, hoping for a good answer.

“Great.” Castiel replied.

“You're the best!” Nora was very thrilled.

Dean was rather impressed by Castiel’s skills with his manager right now.

“That's what this is about!”

“What?” Castiel didn’t see what the fuss was all about.

“The girl.”

“No, Dean. It's not. Nora – she's a very nice woman, I'm pretty sure she's not a reaper intent on killing me … and she's asked me out. Going on dates – that's something humans do, right? It’s something Jesse will do one day too.”

“Yeah. I mean, my dates usually end when I run out of singles, but, uh, yeah. Yeah, that's something that … humans do. I don’t think you will be able to do it for long though.” Dean’s cell phone rings, “This is Agent Lee Ermey.” Then he was listening to the other side of the line, “I'll be right there.” He hung up and turns to Castiel, “There was another kill, over at the high school. You comin'?”

Castiel really wanted Dean to leave now, “I wouldn't be much use. I don't have my powers. And I don’t think I can help in my condition.”

“So? I've never had powers. I’m a human.”

“You are a hunter.”

“And you're a hunter in training, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. You said I sucked ass.” Castiel really wanted Dean to leave and let him be alone now.

“ I didn't say that. I said that there was, uh, uh, you know, "room for improvement." Come on.” Dean really wanted his buddy to come with him.

“All right, my shift's over in five minutes, and my date's not until later, so...” Castiel finally gave in.

Dean was super happy now, “Attaboy! I'll go get the car.”

“Not just yet. I have to clean the bathroom?” Castiel was fortunate about that part. 

Luckily it was just pee all over the floor from a little kid and was cleaned up quickly. Then Castiel clocked out and found the Impala and climbed in as shotgun. They drove off to the local high school where the crime had happened and parked the car.

“I wonder how I will put Jesse through school?” Castiel thought to himself.

He followed Dean as he lead the way to the scene and when Castiel got a look at the purple all over the bus, he immediately knew what was happening. This was definitely and angel problem and it was a bad one. Castiel walks back to the Impala and tries to breathe out the panic as he can feel Jesse kicking in fear. Dean sees what is going on and returns to Castiel’s side.

“ Cas, what's wrong?” Dean asked.

“I've seen this before.” Castiel’s fear was very visible now

“What? Where?”

“In heaven.”

“What, you're saying an angel did this?”

“It's no ordinary angel. Dean, this is bad. This is very bad.” 

All of a sudden, “AH!” Castiel felt a jolt of pain coming from inside him as he clutched his belly.

“Cas?” Dean’s face had almost lost its colour.

“I need to get in the car and out of here. Jesse is scared because I’m scared and he is- AH!”

Dean guided him to shotgun and helped him get in the car and then got in the driver’s side and shut the car door.

“What do you need Cas?”

“Just stay with me right now. Jesse will calm down when I do.” Castiel was still cringing in pain.

“You’re not in labor are you?”

“No I don’t think so. Just talk to me it will probably calm him down too.”

Dean didn’t know how to talk to the baby but he might as well try.

“Jesse?” He looked at Castiel, “Can I please place my hand on you?”

“If that helps please do.” Castiel could still feel contractions from Jesse attacking him.

Dean then placed his hand on Castiel’s stomach and took a breath, “Hey Jesse are you there? Can you kick my hand?”

No response.

“Jesse can you please talk to me? I am your other father.”

No reply but Castiel was still having waves of pain running through him.

“Try something else! AH!” Castiel was pissed now.

Dean licked his lips and swallowed before placing his head on Castiel’s stomach.

“Jesse its Dean, I’m your other father. I know I haven’t been there for you and I haven’t been the best person to your dad, but I want you to know that I am very sorry for what I’ve done. I care very much about you and Cas and I don’t want to lose either of you. You are both very important to me and I need you. We’re family now and I really want you and Cas to come home with me and live with me and my brother, your uncle, and stay safe. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I was very bad and kicked you out. I’m sorry Jesse.” 

Dean was close to sobbing with this sincere apology. He wanted to say this to Castiel too but it wasn’t easy. He wanted to tell Castiel he loved him and that he wished he hadn’t been a fool and drank to sleep with him. Dean wished he could have been a better person in all of this.

This was beneficial to all of them because then Dean got punched and kicked in the face by his baby and the contractions stopped. Castiel sighed relief and felt some warmth inside of him from Dean’s apology. If Dean was really that sincere then he would consider coming home with him.

“They’ve stopped. Thank you Dean.”

“I really meant what I said. I’m sorry Cas.” A tear strayed from his eye.

“I forgive you Dean.”

Dean gave Castiel an awkward hug.

“So why is this very bad? I know you might-”

“It’s ok I can talk about it now.” Castiel took a deep breath,  “ On the battlefields of Heaven, there was a special class of angel, the Rit Zien. It's, uh, Enochian for "Hands of Mercy." They functioned like medics. They tended to the wounded. They healed those who could be healed, but for the mortally wounded, those who were past saving, the Rit Zien's job was to put them down.”

“But the granulated bodies?”

“This was their special ability. They had this way of smiting that was so quick and so total that it rendered death virtually painless.”

“Yeah, but these aren't wounded angels that they're vaporizing, they're people.”

“Right. I don't know. The Rit Zien home in on pain, it's like a beacon to them. So, when this angel fell to earth, he heard the victims' cries, and their anguish, same as he'd hear an angel's in heaven. He's continuing his heavenly work down here. One suffering human at a time.”

“Yeah, but this last victim was not suffering. She was just a normal, moody kid.”

“But he just got here. The ebb and flow of human emotion – Dean, I've been on earth for a few years, and I've only begun to grasp it. To him, pain is pain.”

“So everybody's fair game?” Dean asked.

Castiel gave him a nervous nod.

“All right, well, we got to stop him.”

“You have to stop him.” Castiel replied.

“ You're scared.” Dean still knew it was there.

It's different now, Dean. Everything feels different. Plus I have to worry about Jesse too.

“You're right. All right, I'll track down this, uh, Kevorkian wannabe, and I'll put him down. I’ll do it for you and Jesse.”

“Okay.”

“You stay safe. Go on that date, all right? Go live a normal life for now.”

“Okay.”

Dean then started the Impala and then looked at his friend who was still in the passenger seat.

“Well?”

“I need a ride.” Castiel reminded him.

Dean forces a smile, “Right.” And then began driving off to Nora’s house for Castiel’s first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda got teary at the apology. If you did too then let me know.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean drove for a bit after having to go back to Gas N Sip for Nora’s address and a snack, Jesse was craving the usual chocolate bar but now with a side of pork rinds. Then they made their way to a yellow house by the time it was dark outside. Dean parks the car and is ready to let his friend go on his first date.

“ Okay.”

Castiel is eager to get out, “Thanks, Dean.”

He starts to get out of the car and then Dean stops him, “Cas. Wait. I can't let you do this.”

Castiel is confused, “What?”

“You're gonna wear that, on a date?” Dean is eyeing the vest Castiel is wearing.

“This is all I have, Dean.”

“Okay. Uh, lose the vest.”

“What are you –” Castiel doesn’t understand what Dean wants.

“Lose the vest, come on.”

Castiel takes off the vest and hands it to Dean who tosses it in the back.

“That's a little better. All right. There we go. All right.” Dean looks at his friend appraisingly.

“And do the buttons – why don't you unbutton it? But only the top two. I don’t know how attractive she thinks “overweight” people are.”

Castiel unbuttons the collar button.

“Um...” Dean looks over at Castiel once more, wishing he was the one taking him out instead. But he decided to live his life as human as possible. “Yeah. Good. All right. Listen to me. Always open the door for her, okay? Ask a lot of questions. They like that. And, uh... Oh, if she says she's happy to go Dutch … she's lying. All right?”

Castiel nods and then Dean pats him on the shoulder so he wouldn’t hurt Jesse, “Go get 'em, tiger.”

Castiel gets out of the car and starts walking up to the door. He sees a rose bush next to the door and decides to pick one for her, typical human date move bringing flowers. He pricks his finger on one of the many thorns and puts his finger in his mouth and tastes the blood. Then he sees a pair of clippers and takes them and clips the rose off the bush and put it behind his back, not knowing that Dean was smiling about how smooth Castiel was being. He saw that Dean was still in the street and motioned for him to leave before he knocked on the door and Nora came and greeted him smiling excitedly.

“ Steve! I'm so glad you're here. Come in. I thought I was gonna be late!”

Castiel walked in with the rose still in hand and was confused, “Late for what?”

“My date!”

Castiel realized that he isn’t the date now. Nora is walking around getting the last of her appearance set up.

“Bowling, would you believe it? But damned if I'm not dressing fancy, even for bowling. Haven't had an excuse to doll up since Tanya was born."

And there she is, my little angel. Now, she's already been fed. She'll probably sleep the whole time, and I'll only be gone a couple of hours. I just couldn't get my usual sitter, and I needed somebody here just in case she wakes up and starts crying. Which she won't, I promise. Baby Tanya never cries.” She walks to the door and turns to Castiel,  “ Wish me luck. Oh, and thank you. You really are the best.” She steps out of the house and closes the door behind her.

Castiel’s hopes of a nice date with a woman is crushed and his confidence crashes. He places the rose on the counter and buttons up his shirt again.

“ Babysitting.” Then he hears his boss’s daughter cry and sighs in exhaustion, tonight was going to be a long night.

He walked over to find the baby in her crib and looking down at her crying that he would have to do the same soon for Jesse. He felt a kick of jealousy from him.

“Jesse please don’t think I replaced you. I thought I was going out tonight, please don’t make this hard for me.” Jesse settled down for him luckily after listening to Daddy.

Castiel went and then picked up Tanya, “Hello? Um... Please – please don't. Um … Okay. Oooo-kay, okay. How 'bout – how 'bout a lullaby? Um... Okay. Shh. Shh!”

He thinks of one of the only songs he knows. He knows he can’t sing but Castiel doesn’t think she would care at this age.

♪ Look at what's happenin' to me ♪  
♪ I can't believe it myself ♪  
♪ Suddenly I'm up on top of the world ♪  
♪ It should've been somebody else ♪

Then Tanya stops crying giving Castiel and Jesse some relief. Even Jesse doesn’t like the crying from the human baby.

♪ Oh, believe it or not ♪  
♪ I'm walkin' on air ♪  
♪ I never thought I would feel so free-e-e ♪  
♪ Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer ♪  
♪ Who could it be? ♪  
♪ Believe it or not, it's just me ♪  
♪ Believe it or not, it's just me ♪

Then after a while, Castiel tries to put baby Tanya back in her crib and as soon as he lets go of her, she starts crying again. Castiel is exhausted and decides to try a different approach to this.  “ Shhh. I know, I know.” He coos as he picks her up again and takes her to one of the sofa chairs and sits in it while trying to juggle the baby on his baby belly. Jesse once again kicks and punches Castiel, trying to get the baby off of him.

“Jesse I know its cramped in there with the baby on top but please behave, this only for one night.” He is almost arguing with Jesse to stop, his breaking point is getting close. He started talking to baby Tanya again,

“Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You're just … shoved out kicking and screaming into this human life, without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels, or why this confusion, which feels like it's … a hair's breadth from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand, it'll turn out you're wrong. You didn't understand anything at all. Guess that's just how it is when you're new at this. You know, it wasn't that long ago when all I'd need to do to ease your pain was touch you.”

Tanya had stopped crying much to him and Jesse’s relief, then he touched her forehead and felt the burn of her heat.

“You're very warm. Is that normal?” Tanya starts crying again,  “ Oh, shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.”

Castiel scooped her up and got his phone out of his pocket and dialed Nora’s cell number,

“ Nora, she's hot. She's really hot. Please just call – call me. Call – call back. If I don't hear back, I'm taking her to the hospital.”

Castiel hangs up and is now panicking and Jesse is too, “Okay, Tanya, we're taking a little walk.” He continues to hold her and begins to walk to the door. When he does open the door he’s sees a man standing there, but it is no man, it’s the Rit Zien angel they had been looking for.

“Hello, Castiel.” He said.

He pushed himself through the doorway and Castiel backed away and decided that the best thing to do would be to put Tanya away.

“ Squalid little dump. No wonder she cries.”

Castiel puts her back into her crib, “It's a fever, Ephraim. It will pass.”

“You remember my name? I was just a nobody when we met, but you – you were a legend. You've been here before. This is my first time, and it's ... intense. And seeing what has happened to you since Heaven closed up. Seeing that the rumors are true, you really are with child.” Ephraim said to Castiel.

“Yes its is true, I am with child and am close to my due date now. You probably know who the father is.” There was a pause before Castiel spoke again, “You know, there's a lot you don't understand about humanity at first. If you would just stop—”

“ Stop? I won't stop … until I wash the planet clean of all suffering.” Tanya started crying again, “Allow me.” Ephraim began to walk towards her.

Castiel’s anger flared up, “Don't. Touch. Her.” 

“You think I came for her? No, Castiel. I came for you.” Ephraim walked past Castiel towards the other room.

Castiel knew he needed to get him gone and fast. His nerves kicked up and he could feel the scared Jesse inside of him crying. Castiel remembered the thorny rose he cut outside and went to grab it, pulling it through his hand to slice up his palm.

“ So much pain and despair, so many voices begging out for relief.”

“ How'd you find me?” Castiel needed to protect him and Jesse now.

“Because you're warded? The same way I find all my patients – I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles. I was trying to avoid it thought because of the baby’s joy but your pain has gradually increased these past few hours.”

Castiel is walking away from the baby’s room and is pushed up against a door. He begins to draw out a sigil with his blood.  “ Do you really think you're doing Heaven's work down here?"

“I know I am.” The angel said smugly.

“Well, you're wrong. Earth can be a hard place. But these humans, they can get better. They're just doing the best they can.”

“ Is that what you think you're doing, Castiel – the best you can? Well, I'm sorry. But if this is the best that the famed Castiel can do, you're a more urgent case than I thought. I used to admire you. You failed more often than you succeeded. But at least you played big.”

He looked down and saw that Castiel was making a sigil and grabs his hand before he could complete it and twists it sharply, creating a cracking sound and causing him to cry out in pain. Castiel was pulled away and forced onto the floor with his wrist still gripped tight.

“ Now what are you doing? Burying your head in the sand. Right when your kind needs you the most.” He twisted Castiel’s hand more and then letting go after hearing more cracks. “Tsk Tsk, You can hear it can you?”

Castiel knew what he meant, Jesse was so scared that he was screaming and he could hear his child in his head, “Daddddddddddddddddy!” The sound was so shrill and heartbreaking.

“Tell you what, I’ll take your son and let him be raised by angels and then I will end your suffering.”

“I will never let you touch my child.” Castiel hissed.

“Then you have made your choice.” Castiel is pain and genuinely scared but trying to put on a brave face while he feels Jesse punching and kicking and Jesse’s voice screaming in his head. He clutches his wrists as Ephraim approaches him, “Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.”

“ I want to live.”

“ But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?”

Then Dean came crashing through the door to save Castiel and his child. He has his angel blade in his hand but the Rit Zien angel waved his hand and threw Dean into a wall and was left trying to come through. Dean is waking up as the angel gets ready to place his hand on Castiel.

“You say you want to live. But you can't see what I see. By choosing a human life, you've already given up. You … chose … death. ”

Dean shoves the blade towards Castiel and he catches it and stabs the angel in the heart, killing him with a blinding light emitted. Once the dead angel falls to the ground Castiel begins to feel relief but it was short lived. He feels his stomach tighten and contract again like it did earlier.

“Dean help me!” he cried out in pain and pants.

“What is it Cas?” Dean came over and held his friend’s hand.

“I think Jesse wants out.” He howled and gripped Dean’s hand tight.

“No Cas he’s scared, you both were. And’s he’s not calming down like you, let me try to talk to him again.”

“Hurry please, it feels really real this time.” Castiel was full blown panicking this time.

Dean placed his hand on Castiel’s stomach again and still held onto his hand.

“Jesse its Dean. The angel is gone, you are safe now. Please stop hurting Daddy.”

He looked at Castiel, “Is that what he calls you?”

“Yes!” He panted out.

“Please stop hurting Daddy, you are scaring him too.” It didn’t seem to help and Dean decided to spill it all out. “Jesse, I love you so much. I can’t wait to meet you in two months. I can’t wait for you to be the child I have always wanted. I have so many dreams for you. I really want you and Cas to come back and live with me still. You would be much safer there too. I tried to let Cas do his own thing but I can’t. I can’t help but be scared for him. The reason why Jesse?” Then Dean pushed his face near Castiel’s belly, “I love him. I love your Daddy.” 

Then he was punched in the face. “What you want me to say it louder?” He felt punches again. Castiel began feeling relief but the punches that Jesse was making were hurting him.

“Jesse is a really smart baby.” Dean smirked.

“Yes, Jesse wants you to say what you said to me louder so I can hear it.”

Dean swallows dryly before he saying it again, louder and looking at Castiel.

“Cas, I love you. That’s what I said to Jesse.”

The pain is Castiel’s body fled and became a river of warmth throughout his body. He looked down at Dean with tears in his eyes, “You love me?”

“Yes Cas I do. I couldn’t tell you before but I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m really sorry I broke your heart over and over again. I’m a shitty person that doesn’t deserve love back. But I love you so much and I need you, we really are family at this point.” Dean’s eyes were filled with tears that were streaming down his face. Castiel sobbed too as he wrapped his arms around him and held him as tight as he could. “I am so sorry Cas. I’m an idiot for not saying it sooner. But including Sam you are my whole world. I never want to let you go ever.”

“Dean,” Dean looked up at Castiel’s face, “I love you too.”

Dean scooted up and they pressed their foreheads against each other and gently pressed their lips together. When they pulled away, a burning tingle was left in their lips and the desire for more grew after that much longed for first kiss. 

“Wow!” They both said in unison.

Castiel could feel how happy Jesse was as he felt his child bounce around inside him with joy that his Daddies’s were together finally. The tension broke when they realized that baby Tanya was crying still.

“Oh the baby.” Castiel gasped, “She’s really hot, I don’t know what to do.”

Dean helped get Castiel up, “She has a fever and needs some Tylenol if your boss has any for children.” He went looking for the medicine while Castiel went and picked Tanya up. When Dean returned he had a medicine syringe and a bottle of children’s Tylenol. He pulled some from the bottle in the syringe after ready the directions.

“This should help.” Dean then put the tip in her mouth and slowly pushed the fluid in. She swallowed it easily and then cried a little more but after a while she stopped and her fever broke. Then they looked at the body of the dead angel on the ground.

“I’ll clean this up Cas. Take care of the baby and yourself before the boss gets home.”

Dean was able to put the body into the truck the had been parked outside and drove it farther away from the house, while Cas cleaned up the blood on the floor. They had both finished cleaning up when Nora walked through the door.

“I got your messages Steve, oh Tanya are you ok?” She scooped up her daughter and peppered her with kisses. She coddled her and then kissed her one last time and decided to walk “Steve” out.

“ I'm, uh, sorry I overreacted. Um. My friend gave me a tip. A low dose of acetaminophen brought the fever right down.” Castiel said bashfully.

“ Oh, that's okay. Date was a bust anyway.”

Castiel started to walk down the steps towards Dean, “Steve?” Castiel stopped and turned to look at her. “The part of you that overreacted, that cares so much? That's what makes you special.” They smile at each other and then Cas continues towards Dean.

“Where to Cas?”

Castiel got inside the car on the passenger side and closed the door. Dean followed and was getting ready to start the car and then felt a hand palm under his chin and guided his face towards Castiel’s and a much desired kiss. Castiel loved how soft and plump Dean’s lips felt against his and when he felt some tongue slip in between he tasted so sweet. Dean curled his hand under his jaw, bringing Castiel closer, letting him inhale his scent. Castiel smelled of fast food and coffee, two of Dean’s favorite things.

Suddenly Dean pulled away, “We should get your hand patched up and checked out for any sprains first, ok?”

Castiel nodded and let Dean start the car as they headed to the nearest emergency room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be going to DCCON2016 next weekend so I hope to put out one more chapter before then.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for being patient. My back light died at DCCON and at the worst time too. Anyway I worked hard to get everything I wrote down into this fic as fast as I could.
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> PS, I had a BLAST at DCCON :)

The drive was mostly quiet but then Castiel broke the silence.

“Dean I would move back to the bunker with you...”

“But...?”

“I would like to give Nora two weeks notice and work there a little longer to earn some more money.”

Dean understood the two weeks notice but the money part confused him.

“Why do you care about the money?”

Castiel blushed, “I want Jesse to know that his Dad made an honest living.”

Dean listened to what Castiel was saying, “You think its a boy?”

“Ephraim said son, April said he when she tortured me. I think that’s a sign of something.”

Once they arrived to the ER and waited for a nurse to treat his hand and wrist, Dean had an idea.

“Cas, do you want to find out the baby’s sex tonight?” Castiel smiled at the idea, “Yes.”

Once a doctor was found to take care of Castiel’s injury they followed her back into a curtain room where she began to look and feel Castiel’s wrist.

“Well you do have a sprain but its and easy fix this time. If it was in a different spot then it would be worse. I’ll go and get you a brace and then set it inside and then I will discharge you.” The doctor left to pick up a brace that would fit snuggly in his wrist and came quickly and wrapped up his injury. Just as she velcro the last strap.

“Excuse me ma’m” The doctor looked up at Dean. “He hasn’t had an ultrasound in a while and with the hand and wrist patched up, we wanted to check and see if our baby is ok.”

“He?” The doctor was confused.

“Yes, he is transgender.” Dean lied.

“Oh ok, Let me take you to the room. Follow me.”

They followed the doctor to a room with a large ultrasound machine and Castiel then got onto the table.

“I need you to shimmy your pants down a little and roll up your shirt and then lie down on the table.” Castiel did as he was told, “This is some gel I’m going to put on your stomach. It will help the transducer glide better.” She squirted gel onto his skin and started the scan.

Dean was nervous as well as Castiel, “Is this your first time seeing Jesse?” Dean asked.

“Yes Dean, it is. I could see him in my dreams though.”

“Well this time you get to see him for real.”

Then the doctor found their baby, “There’s your baby Steve.”

Then both men looked at the screen and waterworks began to flow. They didn’t know it but Jesse was waving hi to them as they looked.

“Can you please tell us the sex of the baby? We always have wanted to know.” Dean asked.

“Well from what it looks like, you have a healthy boy inside you.” It was confirmed, Jesse was a boy.

“That’s our son Steve!” Dean was blubbering into Castiel, keeping his real name safe.

“Would you like a picture?” The doctor asked. “Can we have two?” Both of the men beamed. “Yes you can.” She smiled and went to print pictures and hand some tissues to the men. “Well everything looks good for 27 weeks.” She handed them their pictures.

“Thank you doctor.” Castiel smiled, “And thank you for patching up my hand.”

“You are very welcome.” She replied and then went to fill out discharge papers.

Dean and Castiel walked out a few minutes later and Dean decided to let Castiel sleep off the rest of the night in the motel he had booked for the night. They slept in the same bed awkwardly and for Castiel it was relief on his back for once. His belly full of his son could rest easy as he slept on his side. Once morning arose and Castiel had to go back to work for the day. But first Dean let him shower and eat a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs with a glass of orange juice.

Once they got back to the Gas n’ Sip, Dean parked the Impala and took a second with Castiel.

“Listen Cas, I told you to leave before I knew about Jesse. Now that I know about him I really want the two of you to come back to the bunker and stay. I really mean it, and I won’t keep any secrets from you about anything.”

Castiel wanted to know why he was asked to leave, “Why did you tell me to leave? Tell me.”

Dean swallowed dryly and then replied, “Sam was in really bad shape remember?”

“Yes,” Replied Castiel.

“I prayed for help from angels and one of them, Ezekiel, he is using Sam as a vessel and healing him. Ezekiel told me that you had to leave for his safety or he would leave Sam. But I want you to know that Ezekiel is the angel that brought you back from the dead when that reaper stabbed us.”

Castiel took this in and understood what and why everything happened. “Ok. I will consider this in my decision. Thank you Dean.” Castiel then got out of the car.

“Cas,” Castiel stopped, “I love you, remember that. What ever you do, I will always love you and I will always love Jesse.” Dean sighed, feeling hopeless as Castiel waved goodbye and walked into the store.

Castiel saw Dean drive away and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of remorse for what he was doing. He wanted to give Nora two weeks notice like a good employee so make a few extra bucks, but now he just wanted to leave. He was prepping up the coffee station for the day when Nora came in.

“Hi Steve,”

“Hey Nora,” Castiel said gloomily.

“Is something wrong Steve? What’s the matter?” Nora could sense it in his voice.

Castiel let it out, “That was my boyfriend that came in yesterday and he wants me to move back in with him...”

“There’s a but I’m sensing.”

“He lives in Kansas and that would mean that I would have to leave here and I want to give my two weeks notice first.”

“That’s very considerate of you Steve. I know this is hard but I want you to be confident with your decision. That’s why I’m going to give you a paid day off today, especially for babysitting Tanya last night.” Nora paused and saw the sprain brace and bandage on Castiel’s left hand, “How did you get that?” She pointed at his injury.

“Um...” Castiel didn’t know how to explain everything that happened last night.

“Did your boyfriend do that to you?” Nora now had anger in her voice.

“No Dean would never hurt me.” Castiel was almost pleading for her to not get mad.

“Steve I want to believe you but coming from an abusive relationship myself its hard to believe someone when they’ve been hurt. Did Dean do this to you?”

Castiel decided to come up with a half lie, “Someone tried to break into your house last night. I didn’t want to alarm you but I managed to fight them off. I got hurt in the process.” Then he got swept up in a hug from his manager.

“Thank goodness you’re safe, I should file a report to the police.”

Castiel patted her gently, “Its fine Nora. I was doing what came naturally

Nora released him, “I’m going to give you a bonus and you still have your paid day off Steve.”

Castiel smiled and took his vest off and walked away to put it in his locker. He felt Jesse move and placed a hand on his stomach where he felt him.

“Jesse, we are having an us day today. Whatever you want you can have.” Castiel wrote up his hours and then as he headed out, Nora handed him an envelope with three hundred dollars in it and then pocketed it in his jeans. “Lets go eat.” He said to Jesse as he rolled around happily.

Castiel found a buffet a few blocks away and paid for their all you can eat lunch special. He helped himself to whatever Jesse was craving, which at this time happened to be barbecue, mexican, fried seafood and chocolate dessert. Once he came back to his table he had a taco salad, ribs, fish and chips and several slices of moose cream pie. Castiel ate to his heart’s delight through the sticky sweet of the ribs, crunch of the taco salad shell and the salt from the chips. The pie was creamy and smooth and oh so heavenly rich. He sat for a while, letting the food digest and chuckling as he saw the empty plates that were all over the table. He decided to leave a nice tip for the wait staff after he left as an apology for the mess. Jesse was really happy but cramped at the same time from Castiel’s first feast in his human life, that was making him happy too.

Castiel decided to sleep in a real bed tonight and using the money he had leftover he decided to book a room for the night. He was able to get a nice room at a hotel a short walk away from the restaurant. When he got inside the room and closed the door and locked it, he could finally relax. Then he wanted to take a nice bath and soak and found out that the bathroom had a nice sized tub. He started to fill the tub up when the water got hot enough and had slowly stripped off his clothes before turning off the tap and getting in. The water was just above his belly and Castiel could feel all of the tension and stress ease out of his joints and his body. Eventually it felt so good that Castiel dozed off in the tub and then Jesse popped up in his dreams.

“Hi daddy.” Jesse giggled.

“Hello son.”

“So now you know I’m a boy?”

“Yep, I can’t wait to meet you soon Jesse.” Castiel really meant that.

“Daddy you should go with Deanie, he would keep us safe in the bunker.”

“Deanie?” Castiel didn’t like the sound of the name Jesse was giving his other father.

“I would call him Dean still but I know he wants to be a part of our lives again so I’m going to give him a chance. I could call him DeeDee if you would prefer that?”

“That actually sounds better cause it sounds like daddy.”

“Ok I’ll call Dean DeeDee.” Jesse giggled.

“You really think I should go home with Dean?”

“DeeDee loves you, he loves us. We should be with him and uncle Sammy.”

“Jesse I like living on my own... Most of the time.” Castiel was getting a little annoyed arguing with his son over Dean.

“Then leave for DeeDee. They have a bed to sleep on and not a sleeping bag and a pad that you have to hide in the morning. They have showers and food and safety, they can protect us. Plus that angel in uncle Sam, while he may have been a dick, saved us and brought us back to life after that bitch April killed us.”

“Jesse watch your language!” Castiel was mad that his son, not even born yet, had said his first curse words.

“Daddy seriously though, we need to go back.” Jesse was pleading with his father now.

“Jesse I’ll think about it but right now I’m getting hot and I want out of this bath.” Castiel was throughly annoyed and woke up to get out of the bathtub. When he lifted himself up and out, he dried himself with a clean towel and decided to sleep nude in the bed tonight. Being in a free flowing bed and not a tight sleeping bag was liberating. He wouldn’t get sweaty or uncomfortable between the loose sheets. 

Then he felt something change on his body and in him. He felt around and then realized that his cock had become hard and sensitive and he placed his hand around it and stroked the tip, feeling the tingles from the touch throughout his body. He had never really understood how masturbation work unlike sex. He had seen people do it in heaven and that it brought pleasure to people, but now it was happening to him.

He was thinking of Dean and it was going to his groin. The thoughts strong arms and sandy hair with those kissable lips was driving Castiel over the edge. He felt a drop of pre-cum ooze out and used it as lubricant as he continued to touch himself. He felt more and sensations growing up inside him and it was becoming more and more pleasurable as it started to bubble out of control. It became too much pressure and he moaned as he came, spurting all over his hand and the sheets.

“Oh geez!” Castiel panted as he felt a sheen of sweat forming on his brow and forehead, “That... felt... good.”

Then he placed his hands on the sheets and kept gasping for air as the burning after orgasm waves ran throughout his body after the unbelievably magnificent orgasm. He felt himself going in and out of consciousness as he eventually passed out. Just as he did though he felt his son stroke the side of his belly as a way of saying, Good Daddy.

Once he woke up the come had dried all over the sheets, his legs and groin.

“Housekeeping isn’t going to be happy about this.” He muttered to himself as he went to go and wash himself off. 

He got a hold of a mini shampoo and bar of soap and took a cleansing and much needed shower. Once he got out and dried himself off, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went to look outside. It was nighttime now and he had must have been out for quite sometime during his after orgasm nap. Castiel realized that in the morning he would have to need to check out of the hotel and report to work. But he also realized that he needed to make a decision about his next move. 

Since he jerked off to the thought of Dean it should be helpful to him. He couldn’t help but think about his hairless chest with those perky nipples of his and those tender hands and how good it felt to be filled up and thrusted into over and over again when they first had sex. He remember the burning sting at first and then how it began to feel so good afterwards. So so good, so so so very pleasurable. 

Then he felt himself growing hard again and resumed to touching himself to relieve the ache in his cock and this time it didn’t take too long come again and let it spill into his hands and on the floor. Castiel tried to clean it up better this time before it dried. The smell of sex still lingered in the room and he inhaled it with welcome. Once everything settled down within him, Castiel went to fall asleep in the soiled sheets and wake up in the morning to give Nora his two weeks notice and call Dean to move back into the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written smut in a while so please go easy on me. Thanks :)


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel woke up the next morning with determination. He was going to give his notice and go back home with Dean. He went and showered and put on his clothes and uniform and checked out of the hotel. He walked back down to the Gas N Sip and looked for Nora before his shift started. He found her and just as he was about to say something, she beat him to it.

“Have you thought about your decision long and hard?” She smiled, “Whatever it is I hop it makes you happy.”

“I have decided, I want to give you my notice to be with my boyfriend.” Castiel had a half grin on his face, he knew that he was making the best decision for him, Dean and their son.

“Steve I am happy to accept that. I think you two need each other and being with him helps you the most. I was hearing the two of you talk the other day and Dean really cares about you. Let me go put in your notice and put a help wanted sign out.” Nora was actually delighted to hear that he would be joining Dean. She loved “Steve” but she always knew that there was some kind of baggage with him.

Castiel worked the rest of the shift without a problem and then Nora came up to him during his lunch break,

“This is your last day.” She handed him a note with the date of November 22nd, “Please call Dean and let him know that he can pick you up after this date. I think he would like to have you in time for Thanksgiving.”

Castiel smiled with relief, he was going to spend his first Thanksgiving as a human this year and enjoy all of the foods that Americans gorge on that day. He took the note and then turned to find a private place to call Dean. The phone rang twice and then an answer.

“Hello Cas?”

“Dean I have made a decision. I want to come home for you and Jesse.”

Dean was elated by the news. He couldn’t wait to pick up his love from Rexford. “When is your last day?”

“November 22nd. I hope to keep sleeping back here while I wait. It’s biting cold outside.” Castiel sighed. The weather had been mild but now it was getting cold.

“Don’t worry about living. Since its so soon I will come up and rent a motel for the rest of your stay and I will bring you a coat and some other clothes too. We can live together in this room for the time being. I want to take care of you now, is that ok?” Dean was worried about Castiel.

“You can do that if you want. I was hoping that-” Castiel was cut off.

“I’m on my way now. I hope to be there later today, I was halfway home. I love you Cas.”

Castiel blushed from hearing Dean say that. “I love you too Dean. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Steve! I need you back here.” Nora called.

“Dean I need to go now, Nora is calling me. I’ll see you soon.” And Castiel hung up the phone and got back to work grinning ear from ear. Soon Dean would be with him again and they could work on repairing their relationship and then living in the safety of the bunker with the Winchester brothers.

Later that day Castiel was packing a customers bag with the items that they had purchased when he heard the door open and the cars that were outside starting up. He looked that direction and saw Dean Winchester himself walking through the door towards him with a smile on his face.

“Hey “Steve”.” Dean was being courteous to his fake name for his Rexford human life.

“Hello Dean.” He smiled back, then he went back to focusing on the customer, “You have a nice day ma’am.” She grabbed her bag and replied back, “You too Steve.” and she walked away with a smile.

“How are you doing?” Dean came up to the counter and placed a hand on top of Castiel’s.

“I’m doing better now,” He felt a kick, “And Jesse is doing better now too.” He rubbed a circle where he felt Jesse’s foot touch him.

“Aw Jesse, may I touch you?”

Castiel pulled away, “When we have privacy Dean. Remember its not normal for men to be, you know.” He didn’t like the idea of telling Dean he couldn’t touch their child but they were in public and it wasn’t normal behavior.

“Oh right. What time do you get off? I want to get you a coat and some more clothes and some things for Jesse and then we can find a motel room to stay in for now. I will drive you to and from work from now on.” Then he got closer to Castiel, “And we need to get the stuff that’s yours here so they won’t catch you and it will be just in case supplies too.” He whispered into his love’s ear.

Castiel was extremely grateful that Dean was helping now. These past 12 weeks living here have been extremely hard for him and Jesse and his body. Just being able to sleep in an actual bed these past few nights have been glorious for him. Helps so much with his back that is constantly pinched and tight.

“I get off in an hour. Nora knows who you are but I don’t want to get in trouble and you escorted out. I will see you soon. But in the meantime can you please pick me up a burger with cheese, lettuce, pickles, grilled onions and mushrooms and have it swimming in barbecue sauce and an extra large side of fries. I have been craving one like crazy all day today.”

Dean was happy that Jesse gave him an appetite, “Sure thing. I’m glad you are letting me take care of you now. It makes me feel like I’m making up for these past three months.” Still regretful of not looking for Castiel when he kicked him out.

“Thanks Dean.” And then Castiel went back to work while Dean went out to get his love a nice juicy burger for both of them. He always preferred his with extra onions though.

When Castiel got off of work, Dean came back with a paper bag full of greasy deliciousness and nodded to him so they could go and find their motel room together and start to settle in for the next two weeks. Once they found their room, with a single king bed, and had dug into their lunch, Castiel felt the food coma start to kick in and took off his work uniform and shoes and got under the covers to take his nap. Dean decided to be a good boyfriend and took his shoes off and slid under the covers and spooned against him. 

It felt good to be in close contact with Castiel after so long. He snaked his hand around Castiel’s middle and placed a hand on his baby belly, feeling Jesse move underneath. It was a bit of a tear jerker for Dean to have this now. He could try for right for once in his life. He could have the child he wanted. Not like Emma or Ben but his very own from the start of Jesse’s life. Dean didn’t know it but Castiel was smiling as he could feel Dean’s hand be nudged by Jesse and he could feel his son be happy that his father’s were together at last. Sharing a bed together and being in love with each other. Just like what every baby wants, safety and security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize to my loyal fans. There has been some difficulty with some destiel groups and it has caused me to lose interest in writing while nasty rumors were spread and I was kicked out. I will be posting in groups that are not DESTIEL FOREVER and Destiel fan fiction readers and writers as I was unjustly banned from them because of these rumors that someone came up with that was an admin to the pages (She didn't have the right to do that from what I've been told.)
> 
> I want you guys to know that I love what I do and to have those groups ripped from under my feet over someone trying to be a social justice warrior on tumblr and try to ruin my name is horrible. I never want to cause issues ever in any groups, all I want to do is support people and download as much smut and erotic artwork as I can onto my phone. If I ever caused any drama it was because I threatened to beat up bitches for threatening Misha Collins's safety at conventions. I only said that once and I was told off and never said that again.
> 
> I love all the support I get from my readers and all the comments I see from you guys wanting more. The little things like this get me through some of my roughest days and when I feel like I want to give up. You guys give me so much hope, when I feel like I'm not doing something right you guys show me I am. I will always be forever in your debt to your love and support.
> 
> I will continue writing and I know that I have a few fics to finish, some are harder than others, but I smile when I see the kudos from you guys and the comments you leave me. There is nothing better in this world than see that, I know that some of you guys are writers too and so we have an understanding.
> 
> Once again I apologize and I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic when she is finished :)


	17. Chapter 17

Life for Dean and Castiel was easier now that Dean was allowed to take care of him for the remainder of Castiel’s pregnancy and for the rest of his days on earth. After Castiel said his goodbyes at Gas N’ Sip on his last day and was driven home to the Men of Letter’s bunker, Castiel felt safer than he had been in a long time. Once they got to the bunker and Dean turned off the engine, he gave Castiel a look and smiled as he was ready to start this new chapter in their lives together.

“You can sleep in my bedroom if you want of I can set up a room for you and Jesse to sleep in together.”

“Dean I would like to sleep with you in your bed please. I love feeling your touch on mine, its very comforting. When Jesse is born then we can find a place for him to sleep.”

Dean nodded and then got out of the Impala and ran to open Castiel’s side and help him scooch out of the seat and helped him balance before grabbing what possessions Castiel had while working at Gas N’ Sip. All he had left to his name were his sleeping bag, a few toiletries, some clothes and the sleeping pad and pillow. That and also the money he was paid from his last few shifts.

Once they got inside of the bunker Sam had greeted them and gave a hug to Castiel.

“Wow you’ve gotten bigger. Dean told me that you two are having a boy.”

“Yes we are, his name will be Jesse which mean gift in Hebrew. And that is what he is to us.” Castiel confirmed with Sam.

“I will be letting Cas sleep in my bed in my room where he will be staying while he lives with us.” Dean was telling Sam as well as Ezekiel.

“Ok Dean, I’ll let you two get down to it.” Sam let them through and the couple walked to Dean’s room to unpack.

Once they got there Castiel felt more at ease with living with Sam and Dean. He was happy for the safety that he in need of and that Jesse deserved. Once Castiel put away his clothes he plopped down on the bed and sat there, looking at his hunter boyfriend. He placed his hand on his stomach and felt Jesse nudging his hand with his foot.

“Jesse has caught me staring at you.”

Dean looked over his shoulder, “He has now huh?” Dean was turned on.

“Yeah, I think he tries to get us together when he can. I think that that is his special power, he likes to fix problems with people.” Jesse kicked again letting Castiel know that he was right.

“I think that that is great cause without him,” Dean got on the bed next to Castiel, “I don’t think I would be doing this to you.” He placed a kiss on his angel and then was reciprocated with a deeper kiss. They pulled away for a breath, “God Cas, what you do to me.” And he went into full passion with Castiel’s lips.

Castiel was eating this up as much as he deserved to feast from Dean’s love. He wanted to let him have him again but then Castiel’s stomach tightened and became uncomfortable.

“Hold it Dean, something is not right.” Castiel felt the tightness go away before he looked at Dean, “I’m not sure what that was but I felt my abdomen tighten.”

“Like Jesse?” Castiel shook his head, “Like a contraction?” He nodded and then Dean got off of him and he just stroked his stomach with confusion.

“I’m going to get Sam. Stay here.” Dean ran off to find his brother. “SAM!” He called out before Sam ran over and got to him. “I think Cas is in labor.”

“I’m on it.” And they walked over to Dean’s bedroom and saw Castiel resting with his knees on the floor with blood between his legs and his head passed out on the bed.

“CAS!” Dean swept up his love, placed him on the bed and waited for Sam to come back with the first aid kit and his laptop. He could feel a pulse and hear breathing from Castiel and then felt his stomach tighten and relax again. He waited and then Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean with fear, “He coming now.” And then his breath hitched as he felt another contraction.

“But it’s too soon-”

“Jesse wants out now.” He groaned and held onto Dean’s hand tightly.

“SAM!” The nails Castiel had now were digging into Dean’s hand and making cuts in them and bleeding too.

Sam came back in with a fresh pair of sweat pants and then saw that they needed to take him to the medical room for delivery. “But he’s so sma-”

“Jesse is small but very developed. I know I’m 30 weeks but he doesn’t caREEEE!” He screeched as they made him walk to the infirmary. 

It was a bit of a walk but then they got there and got Castiel up on one of the beds and stripped his pants off and covered him with a blanket. “I need to see what is happening Cas. May I?” Dean asked.

“I should be getting a birth canal for delivery, I’ve been feeling something change down there for a while so hopefully that’s what that is.”

Dean grabbed a glove and put it on before he felt around Castiel’s lower region for the birth canal. He felt genitals were still there and his hole too and then found the third hole hiding under his twins. “I found it, do you mind if I feel it around and see whats going on?” Castiel nodded and then Dean felt very cautiously around with a single finger entering up and feeling the tunnel it was in. Then he pulled it out and saw the blood on the glove and looked at his angel. “Its very fresh, this might take a while.”

“What can you do about the PAIN!”

“We can’t do anything Cas. All we know is treating with alcohol and this we can’t. I’m sorry Cas but this is all on your own. We’ll be here to help but we can’t do anything for the pain.” Sam sighed.

Castiel looked at Sam with a death glare and mentally wishing he had left him in Hell still as beads of sweat flushed on his face and braced himself for another contraction. Dean felt guilty as hell for causing Castiel all of this agonizing pain. Maybe if he was an angel he wouldn’t deal with the pain of childbirth. All he could do was hold his hand, wipe his face down and help him stay calm. Minutes dredged slowly on into hours and the brothers stayed with their friend as his labor progressed on painfully.

“I’m not doing this again.” Castiel had buried his face into Dean’s shoulder and cried as he clutched onto his stomach begging for the pain to go away. He groaned once more until he felt something new, “Dean I think I need to start pushing now.”

Dean got another pair of gloves and looked at the canal to see what looked like Jesse’s head near the entrance, “Cas its time now.” He smiled as he lifted the blanket up to reveal Castiel’s legs, “Sam please hold him.”

Sam held onto Castiel’s hand as he started to push. “Yes that’s it Cas, keep going.” Dean coached his love through the delivery.

“I want this over.” He cried as he felt the burn.

“Cas come on his head is right there, nice deep one that’s it.”

Castiel didn’t know what ended and what didn’t but then he felt Jesse crowning and he lost it, “Oh fuck that burns!”

“Cas you can do it, I got you now. His head’s almost out.”

It took a few more minutes of pushing before Jesse’s head had popped out and Castiel was exhausted. “Cas just a little more and we get to meet our son. His shoulders are almost out and then he’s here.”

The encouragement helped as Castiel gave it all and felt the immediate relief as he felt Jesse leave his body and slip into Dean’s arms. Then the colour washed out of his face.

“Cas he’s not breathing.” Dean rubbed his son’s body trying to wake him up and then he looked at Sam who had become Ezekiel again and had let go of Castiel’s hand and waved his hand over the baby and then he began to cry. Castiel and Dean were crying tears of joy as they heard their son’s angry screams. “Thank you.” And then Ezekiel became Sam again.

“Jesse’s here?”

“Yeah Jesse is here.” As Dean cut the cord and Sam came back with towels to wrap up his nephew.

“Can I see him Dean?” Castiel warily asked.

“Yeah Cas.” And he brought up their son to see his daddy. Castiel was overjoyed to finally see his flesh and blood that had been growing inside of him these past hard months. “He sure is a fighter.” Castiel held onto Jesse and inhaled his scent and tears rolled from his eyes as he saw that their son had his dark mop of hair, his lips, Dean’s freckles and nose and when Jesse open his eyes he saw that they were blue and full of life.

“Welcome to the family Jesse.” They said to their newest addition to the family.

 

3 Years Later

Castiel never got his grace back but preferred to live as humanly as possible with Dean and their son. Jesse was growing up to be a rambunctious toddler that wanted to get into everything sharp and paper. Sam was able to get out of the life as Dean decided to move on with his new life with Castiel and their son, never once looking back. But I guess that is how it’s going to be now for the Winchesters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY I AM DONE!!!. Sorry the ending sucks so bad, endings have never been the easiest for me and thank you for reading and being loyal fans.


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